I'm trying to see the positives in life and I'm trying to make more of an effort to focus on that. For me, it isn't so much good days or not good days. It is more of a moment to moment thing. I can be happy and excited in one moment then down and in tears the next. Gotta love mood swings.
Thursday I tried to have a good day. Moved things around the house and did a TON of cleaning. Went food shopping and came home to cook dinner. Of course saw a mouse run through the kitchen and FREAKED OUT. Dinner was already cooking and it was when I was putting away the rest of the groceries.
My timing for dinner got all messed up with the mouse. I cut the chicken to see if it was done, but I guess it wasn't ALL done. I thought I cut a piece in the middle of the pan. Anyway, my piece was fine. Jim's wasn't. It wasn't all the way cooked. He told me. I started bawling. Over uncooked chicken. That lead to, "I can't do anything right. I can't even cook chicken."
Friday I slept in, which was very much needed. Even with the 1 hour nap I had on Thursday afternoon, I still slept 11 hours on Thursday night. Guess I was pretty tired. After I got up and had breakfast/lunch (slept until 11am), I was online for a short while, then showered around 1 and out the door at 1:30. I had a massage at Dana Farber from 2-3. I LOVE that they still offer the massages there for only $20 for patients.
After I was done with the massage, my friend Christine met me. She was going with me to use a Groupon I had purchased. For SkyZone, an indoor trampoline place. It was SO much fun, but absolutely EXHAUSTING. We had one hour there and didn't even make 45 minutes. We first hit the bathrooms, then walked around a little. We slowly started jumping, but that was exhausting! Then we tried jumping into the foam pit. After that, Christine played Dodge Ball with the 10 year old boys. It was too cute, cuz none of the boys would throw at her. I guess none of them wanted to whip the ball at a girl. :)
We went back on the trampolines again. I actually did a front tuck twice! I didn't think I could but yay. I almost landed on my feet the 2nd time. (yeah, on my butt both times I tried, but hey, I tried right?) Then we did one more time into the foam pit and called it a day. We were both sweating ouot butts off! That was definitely a workout!
Here's a quick shot Christine took of us after, when we were walking back to the car.
She is just too cute! Love that she's always willing to do crazy things like Sky Zone or the Tomato Bash. And she knows that I'm usually up for those crazy things too. She's been crossing things off her bucket list left and right with me.
I was pretty tired after that 40 minutes (not all of jumping either!) but I did go out for dinner with Jim last night. Then we came home and watched some tv.
Last night I was able to sleep again, around midnight to about 9:30. That was pretty good. I needed it, even though I could nap again. The fatigue is pretty frustrating. I hate not having any energy. Since getting out of bed around 10:30, I moved the sofa and haven't moved. Its after 1pm now. I feel like I'm just wasting days away.
My dreams last night were pretty rough. Nightmares. I've been having them pretty often lately. Someone trying to kill me. Last night it was some unknown group that was making plots to kill me and others. A few were trying to help us, but it was hard to know who to trust. I kept trying to escape but every time, it was a close super close call for me being found and killed. I hate having dreams like that.
I know that I have dreams like that when I'm worried. My fears are after me and I'm running, hiding, and trying to escape. Getting some help on the way, but having a hard time trusting people to help me and so afraid of my fears catching up to me and getting me. I can't even escape it all, even in my sleep. So I wake up grouchy and cranky and moody.
In theory, I know I need to focus on the positives and that I need to be happy for the good things in my life, but that is SO much easier to say than to do all the time. And it isn't all day every day that I'm down. I had a blast with Christine at SkyZone. Dinner out last night was good too. But when I sit and have time and think? I get into my head. Then the stories start and then the anxiety starts spinning and goes out of control. That's when I get even more down.
My mood swings are triggered more when I'm stressed. I've been trying to limit stress and that's not easy either.
So, I need to find things to do, to focus on, so I can get out of my head and stop obsessing about my fears. That will help stop the anxiety as well and lower my stress level and keep me happier overall. Plus it will keep everyone around me happier! I won't be a crazy moody bitch!
Here's to being positive that I find something positive to focus on. :) Happy weekend.
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