Here in the US, today is Thanksgiving. This year I have really spent so much time reflecting and always being grateful for the blessings in my life, but Thanksgiving really is a time to focus on that completely.
This 28 Days of Thanks has been great for me to consider different things to be thankful for, not only for the people and experiences in my life. So here is finishing that up.
25. A Talent I Have
This is a hard one for me. I'm not sure what talent I have. I know that I am able to disarm people when I want to and I'm really good with non-verbal communication. I can read people very well. Is that a talent? I don't know. But I am thankful for these skills. I may not always remember them, or I may become too emotional to use these skills, but I am so grateful for them. I can make people feel at ease in conversation and can meet others without coming off aggressive or defensive. This has been extremely helpful with my trips to the state house working on this bill.
26. A Memory
I love memories. I love reaching back to happy moments and reliving them in my mind's eye, almost like watching a movie. I have so many that I reach back to and I am so thankful for them.
Thinking of my grandmother, I have so many incredible memories. Even at 30 years old, I would sit on her lap with my head on her shoulder. It is from her that I am a hugger and a touchy feely person.
One of my favorite memories from when I was little is from Christmas Eve when I was 3 or 4 years old. We were at my grandfather's brother's house in Lexington for the big family Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone was downstairs, waiting for Santa to arrive. At 3 or 4, I didn't know that each year different guys in the family took turns as Santa. All I knew was that Santa was coming!
Everyone was sitting around the edge of the room as Santa came into the room through the bulkhead door and made his way around the room. I was sitting on my grandmother's lap waiting for Santa to come over to me. I was SO excited!!
Santa came over to me, put his hand on my face and said, "Merry Christmas, sweetheart".
I was SO angry!
I turned to my grandmother and yelled, "That's not Santa!! That's my grandpa!! My grandpa calls me sweetheart!!"
Yeah that is one of my absolute favorite memories. It always brings a smile to my face.
27. Anything About Fall
I am thankful that I live in a place where we can experience all 4 seasons, even though I don't love the winter. Fall is so nice with the fall smells, pumpkin patches, apple picking, beautiful colors and crisp air.
28. A Day of Thanks
I love Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for the day with family and friends.
Today was the 5th year in a row that I started the day off with a 5K at Braintree HS. I only did the walk this year again, but it was so nice to do the walk with my friend Jen and to start our day off with a little exercise. We got to catch up, chatted about family, thanksgiving plans, Christmas plans, her wedding next year and so much more. I look forward to it and it has somehow become a part of my annual Thanksgiving tradition.
Although I won't be with my family today, I will be with Jim's family. They have accepted me completely into their family and have made me feel as if I am one of them. If anything ever does happen with Jim and I and if we are no longer together, I know that I would stay in touch with his family.
I am very thankful that he has such a wonderful family. When dating someone, you never know what you will end up with his family... good or bad. I got the best with Jim's. I am so thankful and lucky for that and for them. I am really looking forward to seeing them today.
So that was my 28 days of thanks. I wasn't able to log on every single day to log each topic of thanks, but I got them in here.
It was a nice way to think of different aspects of my life and to remind me of what I do have all around me.
I truly am blessed with the wonderful people I have all around me.
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
No Computer
I love Stella. I really do. But in the 48 hours between Wednesday afternoon to Friday afternoon of this week, she ate, chewed or destroyed (besides actual dog toys or chews):
A doggie bed
A flip flop
A boot
The carpet
Plaster next to the door
A thick wooden knitting needle (SHREDDED with splinters across the living room)
The cord to my laptop charger (no computer and I forgot to do overnight shipping once I finally found the cord online)
All of that was just within 48 hours!! She already had destroyed another doggie bed, ate the cord to the space heater and right now I can't even remember what else.
SO we bought more dog chewy toys and rawhides for her. She loves the rawhides! I just thought at 7 months, so would be out of the teething puppy stage. Guess I was wrong.
Anyway... that's my excuse for not writing anything all week. I was a bit early in the week, had another day at the state house on Wednesday (going SO well and the bill has moved on a again, this time to Third Reading which is kind of a big deal that its gone this quickly). So here goes to catch up on the 28 Days of Thanks.
17. Health
After this past year? Yes, I am extremely thankful for any good health that I do have. I'm grateful for the doctors who have treated me. I'm grateful I live where I do and have access to some of the best health care in the world. I'm grateful I survived cancer and I'm here today. That's kind of a big one.
I survived. I'm alive. I survived breast cancer and I'm here to tell about it. I got through it! Yes, I have so much just about "Health" that I am grateful for.
I wish all of my friends and family and all of the people I love to be able to take their health for granted, as I did before cancer. I can't do that now. For the rest of my life, in the back of my mind, when anything happens, I will forever think about the worst and about cancer.
Today, I am here. I am alive and living life and doing what I can to make a difference in the world and to make it a better place. I am grateful and thankful that I am here.
18. A Daily Indulgence
I don't know if this is what this is going for or not, but something I am thankful for each day is snuggle time. If its falling asleep in Jim's arms, or the hugs he give me, or (like right now) having Stella asleep on my lap as I have Jim's laptop resting on the arm of the sofa. Or when I fall asleep on my side laying on the sofa and Rocco lays behind my legs and uses my knee as his pillow. Or last night when Jim wrapped his arms around me, spooning me, with Stella at my stomach and Rocco at my feet.
Every day, multiple times, I am snuggled up with both dogs and with Jim. I NEED that every day.
19. A Trip
Overall, I do not travel all that much. I don't take too many trips and I haven't been to too many places. So any trip, no matter how short, is something I am so thankful for. Just the chance to get away and go somewhere.
This year that meant even more to me. The week at the cape in July was such a great week. Even though I had to come back 4 mornings for radiation treatments, I was still away and still had a break.
Then in August, I had the best weekend away in Utah through Images Reborn. I am SO unbelievably thankful for that weekend. I needed that weekend so much. It gave me a chance and connect with other women around my age who have gone through similar experiences. I am SO grateful for the chance to go on that trip.
Next, is a trip (hopefully) in January. I want to be away over January 10th, the anniversary of my surgery. I do not want to be home for that. I want to be somewhere else, making a new memory of that date. We haven't started planning anything yet though. I don't really care where we go, but somewhere for a couple of nights, away.
20. A Project I Did
Hmm... what project am I thankful for? I think right now I'm thankful for the work I'm doing with the Breast Density Coalition to change legislation in Massachusetts. I'm happy to be working on something this important to potentially change the lives of so many women. I feel very grateful to be part of the team I found and to be heading into the state house two or three times a month to meet with legislators and to try to have an impact.
21. Dessert
I'm grateful for dessert anytime, anywhere! I LOVE dessert! I love that I am able to splurge on dessert when I want to have it.
Most recently, I am grateful that Friday night our regular bartender forgot all about the salad I had ordered. Because of that, I still had room for dessert! So he made me a wonderful Apple Crisp with vanilla ice cream. It was so yummy!
22. Faith
I'm not a very religious person. I was brought up Catholic but I can't remember the last time I went to church other than for a wedding, christening or funeral. But I am more of a spiritual person. I do believe there is more out there.
On top of that, I talk to my grandmother all the time. I know she is here for me and I can get answers in different ways, but I know she is around.
I am grateful that I have a faith that I believe in which has helped me get through some of the dark days I have had in the past year.
23. A Special Day in my Life
Every day is a special day. I'm alive. After going through cancer, I am thankful for every single day I am here.
24. Jewelry
After my grandmother passed away, my grandfather gave many of us different pieces of my grandmother's jewelry. I was so happy that he let me have the necklace she wore every day, complete with kinks and a ton of charms. It isn't something that I would wear now, but I love having it. It reminds me of my grandmother and was a big part of her personality.
One ring I have, I love. It is a simple little pearl and diamond chip in yellow gold. But I remember when she got it. They were in Hawaii and they went to a place where you could buy a oyster and each oyster had a pearl in it. My grandfather had that ring made out of the pearl in the oyster they got. I love the story and I remember it. I love wearing the ring and being reminded of my grandmother.
A doggie bed
A flip flop
A boot
The carpet
Plaster next to the door
A thick wooden knitting needle (SHREDDED with splinters across the living room)
The cord to my laptop charger (no computer and I forgot to do overnight shipping once I finally found the cord online)
All of that was just within 48 hours!! She already had destroyed another doggie bed, ate the cord to the space heater and right now I can't even remember what else.
SO we bought more dog chewy toys and rawhides for her. She loves the rawhides! I just thought at 7 months, so would be out of the teething puppy stage. Guess I was wrong.
Anyway... that's my excuse for not writing anything all week. I was a bit early in the week, had another day at the state house on Wednesday (going SO well and the bill has moved on a again, this time to Third Reading which is kind of a big deal that its gone this quickly). So here goes to catch up on the 28 Days of Thanks.
17. Health
After this past year? Yes, I am extremely thankful for any good health that I do have. I'm grateful for the doctors who have treated me. I'm grateful I live where I do and have access to some of the best health care in the world. I'm grateful I survived cancer and I'm here today. That's kind of a big one.
I survived. I'm alive. I survived breast cancer and I'm here to tell about it. I got through it! Yes, I have so much just about "Health" that I am grateful for.
I wish all of my friends and family and all of the people I love to be able to take their health for granted, as I did before cancer. I can't do that now. For the rest of my life, in the back of my mind, when anything happens, I will forever think about the worst and about cancer.
Today, I am here. I am alive and living life and doing what I can to make a difference in the world and to make it a better place. I am grateful and thankful that I am here.
18. A Daily Indulgence
I don't know if this is what this is going for or not, but something I am thankful for each day is snuggle time. If its falling asleep in Jim's arms, or the hugs he give me, or (like right now) having Stella asleep on my lap as I have Jim's laptop resting on the arm of the sofa. Or when I fall asleep on my side laying on the sofa and Rocco lays behind my legs and uses my knee as his pillow. Or last night when Jim wrapped his arms around me, spooning me, with Stella at my stomach and Rocco at my feet.
Every day, multiple times, I am snuggled up with both dogs and with Jim. I NEED that every day.
19. A Trip
Overall, I do not travel all that much. I don't take too many trips and I haven't been to too many places. So any trip, no matter how short, is something I am so thankful for. Just the chance to get away and go somewhere.
This year that meant even more to me. The week at the cape in July was such a great week. Even though I had to come back 4 mornings for radiation treatments, I was still away and still had a break.
Then in August, I had the best weekend away in Utah through Images Reborn. I am SO unbelievably thankful for that weekend. I needed that weekend so much. It gave me a chance and connect with other women around my age who have gone through similar experiences. I am SO grateful for the chance to go on that trip.
Next, is a trip (hopefully) in January. I want to be away over January 10th, the anniversary of my surgery. I do not want to be home for that. I want to be somewhere else, making a new memory of that date. We haven't started planning anything yet though. I don't really care where we go, but somewhere for a couple of nights, away.
20. A Project I Did
Hmm... what project am I thankful for? I think right now I'm thankful for the work I'm doing with the Breast Density Coalition to change legislation in Massachusetts. I'm happy to be working on something this important to potentially change the lives of so many women. I feel very grateful to be part of the team I found and to be heading into the state house two or three times a month to meet with legislators and to try to have an impact.
21. Dessert
I'm grateful for dessert anytime, anywhere! I LOVE dessert! I love that I am able to splurge on dessert when I want to have it.
Most recently, I am grateful that Friday night our regular bartender forgot all about the salad I had ordered. Because of that, I still had room for dessert! So he made me a wonderful Apple Crisp with vanilla ice cream. It was so yummy!
22. Faith
I'm not a very religious person. I was brought up Catholic but I can't remember the last time I went to church other than for a wedding, christening or funeral. But I am more of a spiritual person. I do believe there is more out there.
On top of that, I talk to my grandmother all the time. I know she is here for me and I can get answers in different ways, but I know she is around.
I am grateful that I have a faith that I believe in which has helped me get through some of the dark days I have had in the past year.
23. A Special Day in my Life
Every day is a special day. I'm alive. After going through cancer, I am thankful for every single day I am here.
24. Jewelry
After my grandmother passed away, my grandfather gave many of us different pieces of my grandmother's jewelry. I was so happy that he let me have the necklace she wore every day, complete with kinks and a ton of charms. It isn't something that I would wear now, but I love having it. It reminds me of my grandmother and was a big part of her personality.
One ring I have, I love. It is a simple little pearl and diamond chip in yellow gold. But I remember when she got it. They were in Hawaii and they went to a place where you could buy a oyster and each oyster had a pearl in it. My grandfather had that ring made out of the pearl in the oyster they got. I love the story and I remember it. I love wearing the ring and being reminded of my grandmother.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Catching Up!
It was a busy week having Stella here. She's doing great and the few accidents in the house, I will take responsibility for. She is already on her own schedule and now that her and I are on the same page, as long as I stick to it, we are good.
Yesterday morning I was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed. She needs to go out RIGHT away when she gets up. Jim got up and showered. I was in bed. She peed in the kitchen.
She is also a devil when no one is looking. I think she waits to trash things so it could be blamed on Rocco... since no one saw anything. First it was a doggie bed with the stuffing pulled out. Then it was an electric heater cord (thank GOD it wasn't plugged in) that was chewed to bits. Thursday morning when I came home, she got into my closet, shredded a plastic bag and 3 boxes that were in it. Another Thank God.... the 3 boxes were for prescription Lidocane patches, each patch was individually wrapped (for neuropathy for my feet, but too bad they didn't work). She didn't open any of the patches up which was good, but the box shreds were everywhere! Oh and she started to shred another doggie bed too. ALL of this when we aren't home!!
But she is a complete joy and love bug. She snores so loud and hates to be alone. Her and Rocco are both with me on the sofa right now, snoring away.
What else this week? Wednesday I headed up to my parents house to have them meet Stella and my dad and I took her and Rocco for a walk at a pond near his house. It was a pretty quiet day other than driving back and forth, but that can be so exhausting for me.
Thursday I had a doctor appointment with the neuro-oncologist for the neuropathy. He prescribed a cream for my feet which will hopefully help. It wasn't ready until late yesterday so I'll pick that up today.
After the doctor appointment, I tried kickboxing! First class in about 7 months! I couldn't do have of what they did (no burpies or pushups, no crunches or specific ab work). At one point, we were kicking the bag. It was too much on my abs. I could feel one spot that just felt off. No more roundhouse kicks for me! :(
It was really nice to be back at class though. I was glad I got to see a few people too. I missed it. And it felt good to do the limited amount that I could do. I'm looking forward to trying it again, but I know I'll need to build in more recovery time. My body is still healing from all the treatments this year and it takes so much more out of me and so much more time to heal and recover from something that was once simple.
When the kickboxing class was finished, I headed back home to shower and get ready. I was in Boston at 2:30 for a meeting with the coalition on the Density Bill. More of a meeting to see where we are all at and what we have been working on.
I took the the subway back to my car, and then stopped at the supermarket on the way home. I was in the house just after 6:30 and I was exhausted! The two days just took SO much out of me. I knew I needed to recover.
Thursday night I was in bed by 10:30. Friday morning? Could NOT get out of bed (that's when Stella peed on the kitchen floor). I set an alarm for just after 8am to take Stella out again and hit snooze until 9:30! We did a quick trip outside then, and I was back to sleep for another 2 hours. We took another trip outside along with a short walk at the cemetery across the street and were back inside by 10 past 12. I was asleep again by 12:30.
Jim called me at 1:19pm and woke me up. I was in bed then. Jim got home from work around 5pm and I was in the exact same spot with the two dogs. He took them both out for me then and I was in bed until around 6pm.
Yes, I was sleeping pretty much the ENTIRE day on Friday. So much for me getting back to kickboxing! One class and two days that had a few hours outside of the house, and I was sleeping for an entire day to recover. This fatigue is so overwhelming!!
But now, its the weekend. Jim is off and he finished up all the crazy projects that he had hanging over his head for the past month or so. FINALLY. At least for this weekend, he can breathe, which is so nice.
The plan today is to take the dogs to a dog park and to also go to a fundraising event for K9 Vests which will have pictures with Santa Paws! I can't wait to do those!! How cute will that be?? And tomorrow we are heading up to Jim's parents house so they can meet their new grand-doggie.
Jim's mom is SO cute talking about her granddoggies. She loves Rocco so much and she can't wait to meet Stella. She texts me all the time to see how they are doing together and what she's up to.
SO.... since I have been busy with the dogs and sleeping, I haven't been up on my 28 days of Gratitude. Here is my catch up....
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Day 11: Photo
For those who know me well, I am a picture person. I still have a digital camera that I use when I am out for events. I can get so many more pictures and better quality than my phone. I get many printed out and I have a large shelf in the living room full of framed photos which are important to me.
I have a couple of Jim and me that I love. We have been at Cape Cod each summer for 3 summers. I bought a frame that holds 3 photos and put one of each year in that. That's hanging up in our front entryway. We look really happy in them all.
I have pictures of the cats, of Rocco, of sunset, my parents, me with my brother, my grandparents and some older pictures too. I love those.
My picture thing... I need to back up with why I think I do this. When I was little, my great-grandmother lived in a 55+ apartment complex in her small 1 bedroom apartment. Nana would have me over there every so often, spending the night and "cleaning" hear apartment. I dusted. That was my biggest job.
Nana had pictures EVERYWHERE. Shelves with framed photos, photos on the walls, on tables... literally everywhere. She had 7 children, 28 grandchildren and over 40 great-grandchildren (I'm not sure of the actual amount). She had pictures of everyone of them! And I dusted them every time I was over, hearing the stories from each picture, of when my grandmother was younger, about my dad and even when I was born.
So I took that with me. I have wedding pictures from both of my grandmothers, my parents prom picture, my grandfather's baby picture. But I have 4 favorite pictures.
First, a picture from my first birthday. It is be being held by both of my grandmothers. I love that picture so much. Then I have two pictures with four generations. Me, my mom, her mom and her mom is one, when I was abut 8-10 months old. Another was from my christening, with my dad, his mom and her mom (Nana).
My 4th favorite is another with Nana. It was a cousin's christening party in June of 1980. Nana was sitting on the outside steps with her great-grandchildren. I was the oldest. Besides us, I was holding one cousin, my brother was there, plus 4 other cousins. I love that picture!
Day 12: Job
I am very thankful for all that my company has done in the past year. There is no way I could have done all of this without insurance and I am so grateful that they did not lay me off and continued to cover my premiums for me while I have been out. I am extremely grateful that I have a job to go back to when I can start to overcome this fatigue.
Day 13: Book
I'm just grateful for books in general. I love to read and miss it so much. I haven't had any focus this year to really just lose myself in a good story and I miss that. Right now I'm reading a book for a book club that I joined and its nice that I can completely immerse myself in it and be completely unaware of whatever else is going on around me. (Luckily I like this book and it has been so easy to do that with. The last book I tried, I didn't like and never got to page 50.) I'm grateful that I still have an interest in reading.
Day 14: A Life Lesson
Too many precious life lessons to pick. I am grateful for them all. Yes, I have had many many very hard life lessons, but I am grateful for them. Each one has brought me to where I am right now and without these lessons, the course of my life would be completely different. That is why I do not believe in regret. If one small pebble in my past was changed, the ripples would be different for my life from that point forward. I would have had different experiences, met different people and I wouldn't be me, right here, right now.
In this moment, as I am typing on my laptop, laying on the sofa under a blanket, Rocco is laying on a doggie bed, snoring and Stella is snoring on the sofa next to me. Jim is on another chair, talking on the phone to his mom. I wouldn't change that. I love this.
Day 15: Charity
Hard to know what exactly this one means or is looking for. I am grateful for the charity given to me from so many this year. The help and support I have gotten has been amazing! My favorite organized non-profit groups were The Ellie Fund and Image Reborn Foundation.
The Ellie Fund provided so much assistance when I really needed it the most, right through chemo. It was a Godsend getting that help from them.
Image Reborn Foundation was the group which funded the trip to Utah I took in August. I needed that trip so much and it really meant the world to me to meet and bond with other survivors I could relate to.
Now, it is important for me to give back and pay it forward. That's why I'm working on the bill and that's why I share all the information I can with other survivors.
Day 16: A Shining Moment
Over the years, I have had many shining moments. I think my top moment was crossing the finish line in the 2011 Boston Marathon. That was an unbelievable experience!
My last day of treatment this past July was another shining moment. Knowing that I made it through and it was my last day! That was HUGE for me!!
Recently, a shining moment was taking Stella home. I wanted a dog for so long and Jim finally agreed to adopt a new one. She's so sweet! She wasn't leash trained, couldn't do stairs, didn't know sit or anything. Yeah, now she still has accidents here and there, but for the most part she's trained. She knows the leash so well now and runs up and down the stairs to go out. She sits on command and as of Thursday.. she even does "paw" now! We are still working on stay and come, but not bad for only one week!
So that's up to today, what I'm thankful for.
I still have minor issues and still get upset but my mood swings are doing so much better. I only cried a couple of times over the past week and I take a couple of those because I was too tired. If I can manage the fatigue and not overdue anything, I do much better.
Hoping that life continues to get better and move forward in a great way.
Yesterday morning I was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed. She needs to go out RIGHT away when she gets up. Jim got up and showered. I was in bed. She peed in the kitchen.
She is also a devil when no one is looking. I think she waits to trash things so it could be blamed on Rocco... since no one saw anything. First it was a doggie bed with the stuffing pulled out. Then it was an electric heater cord (thank GOD it wasn't plugged in) that was chewed to bits. Thursday morning when I came home, she got into my closet, shredded a plastic bag and 3 boxes that were in it. Another Thank God.... the 3 boxes were for prescription Lidocane patches, each patch was individually wrapped (for neuropathy for my feet, but too bad they didn't work). She didn't open any of the patches up which was good, but the box shreds were everywhere! Oh and she started to shred another doggie bed too. ALL of this when we aren't home!!
But she is a complete joy and love bug. She snores so loud and hates to be alone. Her and Rocco are both with me on the sofa right now, snoring away.
What else this week? Wednesday I headed up to my parents house to have them meet Stella and my dad and I took her and Rocco for a walk at a pond near his house. It was a pretty quiet day other than driving back and forth, but that can be so exhausting for me.
Thursday I had a doctor appointment with the neuro-oncologist for the neuropathy. He prescribed a cream for my feet which will hopefully help. It wasn't ready until late yesterday so I'll pick that up today.
After the doctor appointment, I tried kickboxing! First class in about 7 months! I couldn't do have of what they did (no burpies or pushups, no crunches or specific ab work). At one point, we were kicking the bag. It was too much on my abs. I could feel one spot that just felt off. No more roundhouse kicks for me! :(
It was really nice to be back at class though. I was glad I got to see a few people too. I missed it. And it felt good to do the limited amount that I could do. I'm looking forward to trying it again, but I know I'll need to build in more recovery time. My body is still healing from all the treatments this year and it takes so much more out of me and so much more time to heal and recover from something that was once simple.
When the kickboxing class was finished, I headed back home to shower and get ready. I was in Boston at 2:30 for a meeting with the coalition on the Density Bill. More of a meeting to see where we are all at and what we have been working on.
I took the the subway back to my car, and then stopped at the supermarket on the way home. I was in the house just after 6:30 and I was exhausted! The two days just took SO much out of me. I knew I needed to recover.
Thursday night I was in bed by 10:30. Friday morning? Could NOT get out of bed (that's when Stella peed on the kitchen floor). I set an alarm for just after 8am to take Stella out again and hit snooze until 9:30! We did a quick trip outside then, and I was back to sleep for another 2 hours. We took another trip outside along with a short walk at the cemetery across the street and were back inside by 10 past 12. I was asleep again by 12:30.
Jim called me at 1:19pm and woke me up. I was in bed then. Jim got home from work around 5pm and I was in the exact same spot with the two dogs. He took them both out for me then and I was in bed until around 6pm.
Yes, I was sleeping pretty much the ENTIRE day on Friday. So much for me getting back to kickboxing! One class and two days that had a few hours outside of the house, and I was sleeping for an entire day to recover. This fatigue is so overwhelming!!
But now, its the weekend. Jim is off and he finished up all the crazy projects that he had hanging over his head for the past month or so. FINALLY. At least for this weekend, he can breathe, which is so nice.
The plan today is to take the dogs to a dog park and to also go to a fundraising event for K9 Vests which will have pictures with Santa Paws! I can't wait to do those!! How cute will that be?? And tomorrow we are heading up to Jim's parents house so they can meet their new grand-doggie.
Jim's mom is SO cute talking about her granddoggies. She loves Rocco so much and she can't wait to meet Stella. She texts me all the time to see how they are doing together and what she's up to.
SO.... since I have been busy with the dogs and sleeping, I haven't been up on my 28 days of Gratitude. Here is my catch up....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 11: Photo
For those who know me well, I am a picture person. I still have a digital camera that I use when I am out for events. I can get so many more pictures and better quality than my phone. I get many printed out and I have a large shelf in the living room full of framed photos which are important to me.
I have a couple of Jim and me that I love. We have been at Cape Cod each summer for 3 summers. I bought a frame that holds 3 photos and put one of each year in that. That's hanging up in our front entryway. We look really happy in them all.
I have pictures of the cats, of Rocco, of sunset, my parents, me with my brother, my grandparents and some older pictures too. I love those.
My picture thing... I need to back up with why I think I do this. When I was little, my great-grandmother lived in a 55+ apartment complex in her small 1 bedroom apartment. Nana would have me over there every so often, spending the night and "cleaning" hear apartment. I dusted. That was my biggest job.
Nana had pictures EVERYWHERE. Shelves with framed photos, photos on the walls, on tables... literally everywhere. She had 7 children, 28 grandchildren and over 40 great-grandchildren (I'm not sure of the actual amount). She had pictures of everyone of them! And I dusted them every time I was over, hearing the stories from each picture, of when my grandmother was younger, about my dad and even when I was born.
So I took that with me. I have wedding pictures from both of my grandmothers, my parents prom picture, my grandfather's baby picture. But I have 4 favorite pictures.
First, a picture from my first birthday. It is be being held by both of my grandmothers. I love that picture so much. Then I have two pictures with four generations. Me, my mom, her mom and her mom is one, when I was abut 8-10 months old. Another was from my christening, with my dad, his mom and her mom (Nana).
My 4th favorite is another with Nana. It was a cousin's christening party in June of 1980. Nana was sitting on the outside steps with her great-grandchildren. I was the oldest. Besides us, I was holding one cousin, my brother was there, plus 4 other cousins. I love that picture!
Day 12: Job
I am very thankful for all that my company has done in the past year. There is no way I could have done all of this without insurance and I am so grateful that they did not lay me off and continued to cover my premiums for me while I have been out. I am extremely grateful that I have a job to go back to when I can start to overcome this fatigue.
Day 13: Book
I'm just grateful for books in general. I love to read and miss it so much. I haven't had any focus this year to really just lose myself in a good story and I miss that. Right now I'm reading a book for a book club that I joined and its nice that I can completely immerse myself in it and be completely unaware of whatever else is going on around me. (Luckily I like this book and it has been so easy to do that with. The last book I tried, I didn't like and never got to page 50.) I'm grateful that I still have an interest in reading.
Day 14: A Life Lesson
Too many precious life lessons to pick. I am grateful for them all. Yes, I have had many many very hard life lessons, but I am grateful for them. Each one has brought me to where I am right now and without these lessons, the course of my life would be completely different. That is why I do not believe in regret. If one small pebble in my past was changed, the ripples would be different for my life from that point forward. I would have had different experiences, met different people and I wouldn't be me, right here, right now.
In this moment, as I am typing on my laptop, laying on the sofa under a blanket, Rocco is laying on a doggie bed, snoring and Stella is snoring on the sofa next to me. Jim is on another chair, talking on the phone to his mom. I wouldn't change that. I love this.
Day 15: Charity
Hard to know what exactly this one means or is looking for. I am grateful for the charity given to me from so many this year. The help and support I have gotten has been amazing! My favorite organized non-profit groups were The Ellie Fund and Image Reborn Foundation.
The Ellie Fund provided so much assistance when I really needed it the most, right through chemo. It was a Godsend getting that help from them.
Image Reborn Foundation was the group which funded the trip to Utah I took in August. I needed that trip so much and it really meant the world to me to meet and bond with other survivors I could relate to.
Now, it is important for me to give back and pay it forward. That's why I'm working on the bill and that's why I share all the information I can with other survivors.
Day 16: A Shining Moment
Over the years, I have had many shining moments. I think my top moment was crossing the finish line in the 2011 Boston Marathon. That was an unbelievable experience!
My last day of treatment this past July was another shining moment. Knowing that I made it through and it was my last day! That was HUGE for me!!
Recently, a shining moment was taking Stella home. I wanted a dog for so long and Jim finally agreed to adopt a new one. She's so sweet! She wasn't leash trained, couldn't do stairs, didn't know sit or anything. Yeah, now she still has accidents here and there, but for the most part she's trained. She knows the leash so well now and runs up and down the stairs to go out. She sits on command and as of Thursday.. she even does "paw" now! We are still working on stay and come, but not bad for only one week!
So that's up to today, what I'm thankful for.
I still have minor issues and still get upset but my mood swings are doing so much better. I only cried a couple of times over the past week and I take a couple of those because I was too tired. If I can manage the fatigue and not overdue anything, I do much better.
Hoping that life continues to get better and move forward in a great way.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Days 9 & 10 and STELLA!!!
28 Days of Thanks continues....
Day 9. Food
Before I started chemo, I heard so much about how it can mess with taste buds. Many people have a metallic taste in their mouths when they eat and are encouraged to use plastic utensils. Others lose taste all together.
I guess I was lucky that I never had a metallic taste. My taste buds did dull though. Many things didn't have flavor. I never really used salt, but needed so much of it plus other seasonings to give food more of bold taste. Even hot or spicy foods could be bland.
I'm thankful that now, again, I can taste food fully. I can savor each bite. When I have my favorite Taza Chocolate, I can enjoy each morsel of the rich, dark chocolate. When Jim and I cook or bake, I can enjoy all the flavor and love added to each dish. And I am thankful for the healthy foods that I can nourish my body with.
Day 10. Words of Wisdom
I have been blessed with hearing so many wonderful words of wisdom this year. Without the help and support of family and friends, I'm not sure I could have gotten through it. Jim is always here for me with incredible advice for me. Even just now, while I was was typing this part. He's telling me to use things that sting as a driving force to move forward.
Others have helped to remind me of how much I have gone through and how far I have come. That has been great too. I need that. I forget that sometimes. I just see what I'm in the middle of and not the accomplishments I have under my belt.
Funny thinking about it, Jim's advice today, to use what stings as a driving force to move forward.... it is something that I have done for a while. I know I'm determined when I want to be. Maybe its hyper-focus of ADD, but I set a goal and do what it takes to reach it.
In February, I felt the sting of finding out I that if I had an ultrasound when I had my first mammogram, cancer could have been found 16 months earlier. I might not have needed chemo. It wouldn't have spread to my lymph nodes. That more than stung, that made me so angry! So I'm still using that now to help change legislation.
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I'll toss in one negative before the best part, the new puppy. Pictures are below, if you want to skip the venting I need to do.
The negative? Why Jim was giving me advice to use what stings as a driving force to move forward.
A year ago right now I was in Puerto Rico. The other day it really hit me, I went to Puerto Rico in less than 2 weeks after I was diagnosed. WOW! I was a friggin mess!! It doesn't surprise me now to hear that people diagnosed with cancer go through PTSD symptoms. Um, yeah!!!
When we went to Puerto Rico, it was six of us. And when we flew out, I considered the five of them, five of my closest and best friends. Four of them were the four friends I told the day of my diagnosis. Other than my parents and Jim's parents, I didn't tell anyone else that day.
I know I've changed in the past year. Unfortunately, because of surgeries, treatments and side effects, I am not able to physically do what I did before. I am hoping to get back to kickboxing. I haven't been running because I was too tired. I wasn't allowed to go swimming.
I've also tried to keep in touch with most of that group of 5. I've sent emails and texts to all and have lunch occasionally with 2 of them. Out of the 5, I have only had actual conversations with 2 of them in the past 4 months. Since May 1st, I think that I saw 2 others maybe once each.
Last night I saw a picture on Facebook of the 5 of them. A last minute gathering. I'm happy for them that they are all still friends and hang out. That's great.
But it just sucks feeling excluded. Really sucks. I wish I could do what I used to do, and I'm hoping to get there, but right now I'm not. I used to see or talk to or at the very least HEAR from people before cancer.
Yeah, I know. I changed. But it isn't like I just changed my entire personality for NO reason. It is fucking cancer! Kind of a big fucking deal if you ask me. And yeah, I know that everyone has busy lives. I get that. And I think that's great. I want good things for all of my friends and for all of the people I care about.
I'm happy for my friends who have recently moved into new homes. I'm happy for friends with new loves, new jobs, and for all of them when good things happen. I want to do what I can when things aren't going so well. I'd love to listen. I love connecting with people I care about.
I hate knowing when things are rough for friends. Good people deserve good things. When jobs are hard or making them miserable, when relationships are tough or questionable, when life itself is hard, when family is overwhelming..... I hate to see people I care about go through these tough times.
This year, I went through the worst and toughest time of my entire life. It was one struggle after another. I learned SO much and felt so blessed for the support and love I got from so many. I am so grateful for the friends who did step up and who let me know that to them, I did matter and I wasn't forgotten. Being forgotten was one of the hardest parts, feeling like I just don't matter at all.
So last night, when I couldn't sleep and started clearing out emails and scrolling through Facebook, to see a picture of a last minute gathering of the five of them together, a year after it was the 5 plus me in Puerto Rico? That just sucked.
It hurt. It stung. It still does. I'm not bitter about it. I'm just hurt and sad about it. Its a reminder of what I have lost in the past year. The six of us flew to Puerto Rico on November 9th, 2012. Last night on November 9th, 2013, it was the 5 of them out when it can even be a challenge for anyone to have time to meet me for lunch one on one. So yeah, it hurts and I do feel left out, excluded and dropped.
But as Jim said, use it as a driving force to move forward. When I do get my energy back more, when I get the okay from doctors to start doing more, then I can get out more and be around people more. And do more of what I love with exercise. And meet more people again.
Things like this just makes me that much more grateful to the people who hunt me down and check in on me. When I have one day out, then take 3 to recover with no energy to even turn on my laptop, I know I suck and slack at keeping in touch with friends. So having friends who recognize that and who help me with it... I appreciate it SO much!
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Okay, best part! PUPPY!!!
After a few attempts and misses in bringing a new dog home with us, we went to a shelter yesterday with Rocco. That's where we met Stella. I feel in love with her. She's a bit timid and shy but is such a little love bug. She loves to snuggle.
Her and Rocco had a minor moment at the shelter around Jim, but they were fine with me. And since I'm the one home with them most of the time, it felt okay. Since we adopted her yesterday, there were only a couple of minor moments here too. All when Jim was closer to them than me; one with a rawhide, one with a toy and one snuggling with Jim while I was in bed.
She's 7 months old, an American Bulldog mix and per the paperwork, she was 42 pounds. She has to be a big mix. I can see Bull Terrier in her snout (think the old Bud ads with Spuds McKenzie).
We've had her at the house for about 24 hours. Not one accident at all. Yesterday I brought her outside every 2 hours. Today she was out at 7am and 11am. Its 2:15pm now as I am tying. She did get sick a couple of times, but it was water that she gulped down after munching away on a rawhide. We'll have to watch that, but she's been better today than she was last night and overnight.
Last night, Jim didn't want her to sleep in the bed, before we know about house training her and how that goes. I was having trouble sleeping and was going to take her from her doggie bed next to me out to the sofa with me. She stood up and had her front paws on the bed and when I went to pick her up, she was out of my arms and across the bed. I got her back down and she just jumped right back up and laid down right between me and Jim.
She stayed between us in bed for most of the night, until I got up around 5 to move to the sofa. Both Stella and Rocco came out with me. I was laying on my side, across the sofa with my knees bent. Rocco, as usual, was sleeping behind my legs, using my knee as his pillow. Stella was laying right at my belly, with her head resting on my arm. It was so cute, all snuggled up with them both! She definitely likes to be around people.
Right now she's sleeping next to me on the sofa, all wrapped up in a blanket. Jim is in his back office working and Rocco is with him. When she wakes back up, I'll take her out again for another bathroom break.
But here are a few great pictures of my little love bug Stella, along with a video of her sleeping and snoring. I think she might even snore louder than Rocco!!!
Day 9. Food
Before I started chemo, I heard so much about how it can mess with taste buds. Many people have a metallic taste in their mouths when they eat and are encouraged to use plastic utensils. Others lose taste all together.
I guess I was lucky that I never had a metallic taste. My taste buds did dull though. Many things didn't have flavor. I never really used salt, but needed so much of it plus other seasonings to give food more of bold taste. Even hot or spicy foods could be bland.
I'm thankful that now, again, I can taste food fully. I can savor each bite. When I have my favorite Taza Chocolate, I can enjoy each morsel of the rich, dark chocolate. When Jim and I cook or bake, I can enjoy all the flavor and love added to each dish. And I am thankful for the healthy foods that I can nourish my body with.
Day 10. Words of Wisdom
I have been blessed with hearing so many wonderful words of wisdom this year. Without the help and support of family and friends, I'm not sure I could have gotten through it. Jim is always here for me with incredible advice for me. Even just now, while I was was typing this part. He's telling me to use things that sting as a driving force to move forward.
Others have helped to remind me of how much I have gone through and how far I have come. That has been great too. I need that. I forget that sometimes. I just see what I'm in the middle of and not the accomplishments I have under my belt.
Funny thinking about it, Jim's advice today, to use what stings as a driving force to move forward.... it is something that I have done for a while. I know I'm determined when I want to be. Maybe its hyper-focus of ADD, but I set a goal and do what it takes to reach it.
In February, I felt the sting of finding out I that if I had an ultrasound when I had my first mammogram, cancer could have been found 16 months earlier. I might not have needed chemo. It wouldn't have spread to my lymph nodes. That more than stung, that made me so angry! So I'm still using that now to help change legislation.
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I'll toss in one negative before the best part, the new puppy. Pictures are below, if you want to skip the venting I need to do.
The negative? Why Jim was giving me advice to use what stings as a driving force to move forward.
A year ago right now I was in Puerto Rico. The other day it really hit me, I went to Puerto Rico in less than 2 weeks after I was diagnosed. WOW! I was a friggin mess!! It doesn't surprise me now to hear that people diagnosed with cancer go through PTSD symptoms. Um, yeah!!!
When we went to Puerto Rico, it was six of us. And when we flew out, I considered the five of them, five of my closest and best friends. Four of them were the four friends I told the day of my diagnosis. Other than my parents and Jim's parents, I didn't tell anyone else that day.
I know I've changed in the past year. Unfortunately, because of surgeries, treatments and side effects, I am not able to physically do what I did before. I am hoping to get back to kickboxing. I haven't been running because I was too tired. I wasn't allowed to go swimming.
I've also tried to keep in touch with most of that group of 5. I've sent emails and texts to all and have lunch occasionally with 2 of them. Out of the 5, I have only had actual conversations with 2 of them in the past 4 months. Since May 1st, I think that I saw 2 others maybe once each.
Last night I saw a picture on Facebook of the 5 of them. A last minute gathering. I'm happy for them that they are all still friends and hang out. That's great.
But it just sucks feeling excluded. Really sucks. I wish I could do what I used to do, and I'm hoping to get there, but right now I'm not. I used to see or talk to or at the very least HEAR from people before cancer.
Yeah, I know. I changed. But it isn't like I just changed my entire personality for NO reason. It is fucking cancer! Kind of a big fucking deal if you ask me. And yeah, I know that everyone has busy lives. I get that. And I think that's great. I want good things for all of my friends and for all of the people I care about.
I'm happy for my friends who have recently moved into new homes. I'm happy for friends with new loves, new jobs, and for all of them when good things happen. I want to do what I can when things aren't going so well. I'd love to listen. I love connecting with people I care about.
I hate knowing when things are rough for friends. Good people deserve good things. When jobs are hard or making them miserable, when relationships are tough or questionable, when life itself is hard, when family is overwhelming..... I hate to see people I care about go through these tough times.
This year, I went through the worst and toughest time of my entire life. It was one struggle after another. I learned SO much and felt so blessed for the support and love I got from so many. I am so grateful for the friends who did step up and who let me know that to them, I did matter and I wasn't forgotten. Being forgotten was one of the hardest parts, feeling like I just don't matter at all.
So last night, when I couldn't sleep and started clearing out emails and scrolling through Facebook, to see a picture of a last minute gathering of the five of them together, a year after it was the 5 plus me in Puerto Rico? That just sucked.
It hurt. It stung. It still does. I'm not bitter about it. I'm just hurt and sad about it. Its a reminder of what I have lost in the past year. The six of us flew to Puerto Rico on November 9th, 2012. Last night on November 9th, 2013, it was the 5 of them out when it can even be a challenge for anyone to have time to meet me for lunch one on one. So yeah, it hurts and I do feel left out, excluded and dropped.
But as Jim said, use it as a driving force to move forward. When I do get my energy back more, when I get the okay from doctors to start doing more, then I can get out more and be around people more. And do more of what I love with exercise. And meet more people again.
Things like this just makes me that much more grateful to the people who hunt me down and check in on me. When I have one day out, then take 3 to recover with no energy to even turn on my laptop, I know I suck and slack at keeping in touch with friends. So having friends who recognize that and who help me with it... I appreciate it SO much!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, best part! PUPPY!!!
After a few attempts and misses in bringing a new dog home with us, we went to a shelter yesterday with Rocco. That's where we met Stella. I feel in love with her. She's a bit timid and shy but is such a little love bug. She loves to snuggle.
Her and Rocco had a minor moment at the shelter around Jim, but they were fine with me. And since I'm the one home with them most of the time, it felt okay. Since we adopted her yesterday, there were only a couple of minor moments here too. All when Jim was closer to them than me; one with a rawhide, one with a toy and one snuggling with Jim while I was in bed.
She's 7 months old, an American Bulldog mix and per the paperwork, she was 42 pounds. She has to be a big mix. I can see Bull Terrier in her snout (think the old Bud ads with Spuds McKenzie).
We've had her at the house for about 24 hours. Not one accident at all. Yesterday I brought her outside every 2 hours. Today she was out at 7am and 11am. Its 2:15pm now as I am tying. She did get sick a couple of times, but it was water that she gulped down after munching away on a rawhide. We'll have to watch that, but she's been better today than she was last night and overnight.
Last night, Jim didn't want her to sleep in the bed, before we know about house training her and how that goes. I was having trouble sleeping and was going to take her from her doggie bed next to me out to the sofa with me. She stood up and had her front paws on the bed and when I went to pick her up, she was out of my arms and across the bed. I got her back down and she just jumped right back up and laid down right between me and Jim.
She stayed between us in bed for most of the night, until I got up around 5 to move to the sofa. Both Stella and Rocco came out with me. I was laying on my side, across the sofa with my knees bent. Rocco, as usual, was sleeping behind my legs, using my knee as his pillow. Stella was laying right at my belly, with her head resting on my arm. It was so cute, all snuggled up with them both! She definitely likes to be around people.
Right now she's sleeping next to me on the sofa, all wrapped up in a blanket. Jim is in his back office working and Rocco is with him. When she wakes back up, I'll take her out again for another bathroom break.
But here are a few great pictures of my little love bug Stella, along with a video of her sleeping and snoring. I think she might even snore louder than Rocco!!!
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| A nice closeup of little Stella laying on my lap. |
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| Jim snapped one of me with Rocco and Stella about 10 minutes after they met. |
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| Today, Stella under her blanket and me under mine. She just woke up in this one. |
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| Lazy Sunday with the 2 of them lounging on the sofa. |
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| Curled up in the car next to me on the ride home from the shelter. |
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| Stella got a little brave and wanted to look out the car window! |
And the Stella the Super Snorer!
Friday, November 8, 2013
6, 7 & 8 plus a bit more
"28 Days of Thanks" continues and here's the catch up of it!
6. Your Children (Pets Allowed)
First my cats, Patchs and McGraw. I haven't spent as much time with them this year. Between fatigue and neuropathy, stairs haven't been my friend. But I love them and I love spending time with them. I love how happy they are to see me. I love when I hang out with them when I feed them, that they climb all over me and snuggle up with me. They still love to play and I'm so happy to still have them both in my life. They are good kitties! Even though they turned 13 last month!
Yeah, I'm thankful for Rocco too. Being home every day, getting through chemo, radiation, surgeries and all the ups and downs of this year, I have had him by my side... literally. Right now he's snoring on the other end of the sofa. Last night, I fell asleep on the sofa, and again he was on the other end! Even all the times I have been home alone, I have had him here too and he has made all the difference to me. I can't imagine not having him.
7. A Failure You Have Had
I fail all the time. I try and more often than not, I do not succeed. But every failure has brought me to where I am today. I have learned something from each and every person or event that has been in my life and I have taken those lessons with me moving forward. I am thankful for the failures to make me who I am today with the people in my life today.
8. A Success
I am thankful that I successfully got through the past year. I was diagnosed with breast cancer, did 2 rounds of IVF, had a bilateral mastectomy, 8 rounds of chemo, 28 radiation treatments, a salpingo-oopherectomy and here I am. I survived. As of now, I am living with NED (No Evidence of Disease) and NED is a great thing!! I'm happy with that. This is a great success and one I am HUGELY thankful for!
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What else? I last wrote Tuesday about not bringing a dog home from the shelter with us on Monday. Tuesday in general ended up being a hard day for me, not sure why. I just got into a rough spot in my head. I'm glad I had plans that night with a couple of friends. We went to another Paint Nite and it was a blast!
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| Here we are with our finished paintings. |
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| A close-up of my photo. |
Thursday was a busy day. I was back at the State House for a few more meetings and some great news with the bill. Things are moving along very well and progressing in a great way. We met with a few legislative offices, went to an event for Women and Government, another event for another bill that our lead sponsor is also sponsoring, and even better, had a surprise while we were there.
In addition to Marian and me being at the State House yesterday, so was the Red Sox World Series Trophy!! When I heard that on the news yesterday morning, I knew that I was going to see it and get my photo taken with it! So Marian and I headed to right outside the Governor's office and waiting then headed in for the photo-op! :)
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| Here is Marian and me with the trophy. |
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| And I had to get one of just me too! |
It was funny after all of my meetings yesterday. I called my parents and said that just before the photo of just me, channel 7 was in that room getting a shot of someone in front of the trophy. They asked the guy in front of me in line. But their camera was still on when I was standing for my photo. So I told my parents that and to keep an eye out for me on the news on Channel 7.
My mom called me just before 4:30 to tell me that she recognized my sweater on the news but they didn't show my face! I thought that was hysterical.
Last night, after Jim got home from work, we went out for an early dinner. I was in a really good mood from the day. He went into the bedroom early and I fell asleep on the sofa with Rocco. At 7:30!! I woke up around 9:30, changed, took my pills, and fed the cats. I was back to sleep as soon as I laid back down. Then (after a HORRIBLE nightmare) I woke up around 11 and moved into bed.
Jim got up at some point, because he was having trouble sleeping. I woke up from another horrible nightmare, yelling his name. He came back into bed, I fell right back to sleep and work up at 5. Again, back to sleep at 7 when he left for work and then woke up at 9! Even with the max 2 1/2 hours I was up, I slept almost 12 hours last night! That is just crazy!
Today is a quiet day. Nothing at all planned. I'll be on the sofa, maybe will take Rocco for a walk, if I'm feeling okay at all, and I'm sure another nap.
This weekend should be quiet. I'm hopefully something will happen about a dog, but who knows.
That's about it!!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Day 4 & 5
Trying to stay caught up in the 28 days of thanks, so here goes.
Day 4: Family
I am so thankful for all of the support and love I have gotten from my family. I am blessed to have such an incredible extended family and so grateful and thankful for all the love and care that has been shown to me. The cards, emails, and text messages this year have meant to much to me. I love the journal with notes and messages. I am so grateful to have everyone in my life and to be part of such a supportive family.
This included Jim's family as well. They have been so kind and I am so thankful for all of them. They never needed to do anything. I'm not their family, but they treat me as if I am. Even today, Jim's aunt called to see how I was doing. I was on the phone with her for about an hour and a half! I gained amazing people into my life with Jim's family.
Day 5: Friends
WOW! Yes, I am SO thankful for my friends. I learned so much about myself this past year and about the people in my life. I am so incredibly thankful for the friends I have. I know how lucky I am to have these wonderful people in my life.
A year ago, I never would have expected where I am right now. I never could have imagined the people who would have stepped up this year, who have been by my side and supported me through my toughest and darkest days.
There are way too many to mention. The text messages, facebook messages, emails, cards, deliveries with cookies, brownies, pjs, flowers, edible arrangements, fruit, baskets.... I felt so much love from my friends. Knowing I was thought of and having people take out the time to reach out and contact me meant more to me than I could ever possibly express. I felt so alone and cut off from the life I knew and was grieving. To know that I mattered and to have friends spend part of their busy time doing something to reach out to me and to let me know that they cared... that was everything! That was what got me through some of the hardest days.
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Besides giving thanks...
Rocco and I went back to the open house at the shelter yesterday. First we met Violet who I loved. He didn't. Next was JuneBug, but Rocco wouldn't let her near me. If she was next to me, he would squeeze between us.
The next try was with Brownie, a brown retriever mix. She was one of the most timid dogs I had met. It took me about 10 minutes to coax her out of the kennel in the back! But then she came very willingly with me to head outside. BUT she was shaking outside with all the activity going on. Poor girl.
We went back inside... me, Rocco & Brownie. We were in a back room where I could take them both off leash. They were getting along, even playing. Timid Brownie had her tail wagging all over the place! She was SO sweet. She was even sitting on my lap at one point.
I was adopting her, filling out the contract between petting either of them as they were running around the room. Then Rocco didn't like her anymore. He started being passive aggressive and licking her face, pushing her away from me, herding her. Timid little Brownie stood up for herself and let him know that she didn't like it. She even growled! But that was when I knew it wasn't going to happen.
We tried with one more dog, Theodora. Rocco wouldn't let her near me and he was getting worse after the hour and a half that we were there. It was time to go home. Just me and Rocco. No new dog.
Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed last night. I was so hopeful about bringing a new dog into our home yesterday! I'm bummed it didn't happen.
Jim promised that this weekend he would go with me to look at other dogs again, bringing Rocco and seeing if he gets along with SOMEONE! Just frustrating. It was a let down.
But if it is meant to be, it will happen. Something will work out, if it is supposed to. I just haven't met her yet.
Day 4: Family
I am so thankful for all of the support and love I have gotten from my family. I am blessed to have such an incredible extended family and so grateful and thankful for all the love and care that has been shown to me. The cards, emails, and text messages this year have meant to much to me. I love the journal with notes and messages. I am so grateful to have everyone in my life and to be part of such a supportive family.
This included Jim's family as well. They have been so kind and I am so thankful for all of them. They never needed to do anything. I'm not their family, but they treat me as if I am. Even today, Jim's aunt called to see how I was doing. I was on the phone with her for about an hour and a half! I gained amazing people into my life with Jim's family.
Day 5: Friends
WOW! Yes, I am SO thankful for my friends. I learned so much about myself this past year and about the people in my life. I am so incredibly thankful for the friends I have. I know how lucky I am to have these wonderful people in my life.
A year ago, I never would have expected where I am right now. I never could have imagined the people who would have stepped up this year, who have been by my side and supported me through my toughest and darkest days.
There are way too many to mention. The text messages, facebook messages, emails, cards, deliveries with cookies, brownies, pjs, flowers, edible arrangements, fruit, baskets.... I felt so much love from my friends. Knowing I was thought of and having people take out the time to reach out and contact me meant more to me than I could ever possibly express. I felt so alone and cut off from the life I knew and was grieving. To know that I mattered and to have friends spend part of their busy time doing something to reach out to me and to let me know that they cared... that was everything! That was what got me through some of the hardest days.
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Besides giving thanks...
Rocco and I went back to the open house at the shelter yesterday. First we met Violet who I loved. He didn't. Next was JuneBug, but Rocco wouldn't let her near me. If she was next to me, he would squeeze between us.
The next try was with Brownie, a brown retriever mix. She was one of the most timid dogs I had met. It took me about 10 minutes to coax her out of the kennel in the back! But then she came very willingly with me to head outside. BUT she was shaking outside with all the activity going on. Poor girl.
We went back inside... me, Rocco & Brownie. We were in a back room where I could take them both off leash. They were getting along, even playing. Timid Brownie had her tail wagging all over the place! She was SO sweet. She was even sitting on my lap at one point.
I was adopting her, filling out the contract between petting either of them as they were running around the room. Then Rocco didn't like her anymore. He started being passive aggressive and licking her face, pushing her away from me, herding her. Timid little Brownie stood up for herself and let him know that she didn't like it. She even growled! But that was when I knew it wasn't going to happen.
We tried with one more dog, Theodora. Rocco wouldn't let her near me and he was getting worse after the hour and a half that we were there. It was time to go home. Just me and Rocco. No new dog.
Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed last night. I was so hopeful about bringing a new dog into our home yesterday! I'm bummed it didn't happen.
Jim promised that this weekend he would go with me to look at other dogs again, bringing Rocco and seeing if he gets along with SOMEONE! Just frustrating. It was a let down.
But if it is meant to be, it will happen. Something will work out, if it is supposed to. I just haven't met her yet.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
28 Days and the Past Week
Well, another dog, and another time it didn't work out. I guess someone adopted Spirit right after Rocco and I left last week. I was so bummed out, but what can I do? She got her forever home and that's good for her. And we will find the right dog for us soon. I'm not worried about that. Rocco and I are going to meet a few more tomorrow. Who knows? Tomorrow night I could be showing pictures of the dog that is already in our family!
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Tuesday was a long day for me. I was at the state house again for many more meetings. An aide with the speaker of the house was first, my local senator's aide was next. Then we met with the chief of staff and another aide for the Health Care Finance Committee Chair, where we testified for our bill. After that was with the vice chair and 2 of her aides. The vice chair is also signed on to our bill and very interested in it getting passed. She was working hard for it.
We had another meeting with an influential representative, although she was not completely on board with our bill. We also stopped in to see another senator who is on our bill, who we had met with before. She is so unbelievably supportive and helpful. She made a call to a lobbyist I had met from a health insurance company and he wants to do a press event in support of our bill. (although the coalition I am working with isn't super excited about it and are all a bit cynical about his motives).
Lastly we stopped in to see the aide of the bills main sponsor, to give them an update on what we had been up to. It was a good day, but VERY busy.
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After that LONG day on Tuesday, I didn't get out of my pajamas on Wednesday. Seriously. I slept in the same pj's on Wednesday night as I did on Tuesday night. I didn't have the energy to even get off the sofa all that often.
Thursday I was supposed to go out for a lunch with a friend of mine, but I canceled. I was up in the middle of the night and just exhausted all day. At least I showered.
Friday I had an event in Boston at Dana Farber. It was an informal conversation with breast cancer survivor, Channel 5's Kelley Tuthill. It was a great event and I was glad I went. On my way home, I stopped quickly for lunch and got home around 2:15. I was in bed, out cold by 2:30, my clothes in a pile on a chair in the living room. I didn't get up until 6:30 that night! It took me DAYS to recover from Tuesday!!
It is just so frustrating to still not be over the fatigue. ONE day out takes me DAYS to recover from. Friday I wasn't even out all that long... 4-5 hours. Driving in and out of Boston, sitting at Dana Farber for this even which was under 90 minutes long, then having lunch. Easy day, right? And then I need a FOUR HOUR NAP?
I was too tired to do anything on Friday night, so we didn't go out. And I was still in bed pretty early.
Saturday I was at an event sponsored by the Friends of Mel Foundation. Life After cancer. It was a great event and I got much useful information from it. I took pages of notes and met some really great people.
Then I get home and I'm toast. I was home before 4pm and slept 4:30-6:30. Very happy last night was daylight savings, so we gained an hour. I took it! I think I got about 9 hours of sleep last night too. I've been up for a couple of hours now and I'm still in my pj's on the sofa. At least I had some breakfast and coffee already!
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One other thing about the past week. A couple of anniversaries. Tuesday. October 29th. It was the one year anniversary from my diagnosis. I'm glad I spent the day at the state house and I could share that info with the legislators and aides I was speaking with. It kept me busy and kept me doing something positive. That night was a different story.
I was sobbing that night. Hysterically crying again. It was all fresh again. Why am I hear? What did this year mean? What was I supposed to learn from this? Where do I go from here? When am I going to feel more like me? When will I recover from neuropathy and fatigue? Who am I now? Why did this happen?
All of that still hits me, sometimes its better than others and sometimes I'm okay. But always in the back of my mind, I know that with breast cancer, there is no "remission". There is no "cured". There is NED; No Evidence of Disease. That's where I am. NED. NED is my friend.
There are no scans to say I'm done. There is a wait and see if I have any other symptoms of anything, then test. So I have to just live my life as if I am okay, as if the cancer will never come back. But the reality of that isn't sure. There is always a risk. Even with a bilateral mastectomy, there is still SOME breast tissue remaining. I could always get a recurrence of the same breast cancer, a 2nd breast cancer, or a metastasis of the same breast cancer (the breast cancer I was diagnosed with last year showing up in another part of my body, ie lungs, bones, brain- which are common areas that breast cancer will show up). Or, even with my ovaries removed, I could still end up with ovarian cancer. The lining in that area is still there. Or I could get another type of cancer. The risk is always there and it is greater for me because I have already had cancer one.
This is something I will live with forever. This is something that will be in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. If I am sick, if I have a cold, if I get dizzy, I will always wonder if it is something to do with cancer. If my shoulders hurt, if I get a cut or bruise on my right arm, I will always be concerned that I will get lymphedema in my arm, that it will swell up like a balloon and never drain down.
I try to push those thoughts out of my head. I can't live with that day to day in the forefront of my mind. It is my life, my reality, but so is living each day and moving forward, and making plans for the future, and finding happiness and purpose in my life.
So I'm looking forward and finding joy in the little things. With Rocco snuggling up to me and throwing his front legs over me to watch TV with me. Or when (like right now), he uses a pillow when he's laying down.
.JPG)
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And then there is the bill. When we met with the Vice Chair on Tuesday, she said she was trying hard and really wanted the bill to be reported favorably out of committee during October, to be part of breast cancer awareness month but she didn't think it was going to happen (on the 29th at that point). She said that we had to respect the process.
On Friday while I was stopped for lunch, I got an email from Emily, the chief of staff for the committee chair. She said that on Thursday is was favorably reported! YAY! The bill moved out of committee and on to the next step! That was HUGE. I was SO happy and SO excited!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What else?
OH, I wanted to do a think I saw on Facebook. 28 Days of Thanks. I'm a little behind, so I need to catch up, but here is the photo I'm going off of. Each day now through Thanksgiving, I'll try to post based on this picture. Anyone else giving thanks in November? Share it with me!
Day 1: A Blessing.
I have been so unbelievably blessed with so much. I have so much love and support in my life, from people and places I could have least expected. I am blessed with friends and family who have been by my side during my absolute darkest days. I could not have gotten through this past year without all of support, encouragement and love. I am forever grateful.
Day 2: A time when you were strong.
Over the past year, people have told me how strong I was but I didn't believe them. I still have a hard time with that. I did what I had to do to get through everything. I don't know if that was strength. There were many times I was balled up in tears at night. I was afraid.
A time that comes to mind when I think of when I was strong is about 2 1/2 years ago. I was training for the Boston Marathon. That's when I got injured. Ultimately it was my SI joint. Three weeks before the marathon, I was having trouble walking. I limped and was in pain with each step. The chiropractor that I saw helped realign my hips and stopped the pain when I walked or jogged.
Come that Marathon Monday, I was so afraid. On the bus to Hopkington, I remember saying out loud, "Who do I think I am? What am I doing?"
I was under trained, injured and about to start off on 26.2 miles to get to Boston. And I did it! I didn't run the whole thing. I didn't make my goal time. But I went from Hopkington to Boston in under 6 hours and raised over $7100 for Mass Eye and Ear.
Doing the marathon, I showed strength and determination to overcome any obstacle put in my way to achieve the goal I had set. Crossing that finish line!
Day 3: A person that lifts you up.
This one is difficult because I have TOO many choices! Back to Day 1, I have so many wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life. My friends lift me up. Family lifts me up (mine and Jim's). Rocco lifts me up (okay so he's not a person but close to it!).
But I have to say more than anyone, Jim lifts me up. When I hit rock bottom, when I am on the floor, crying, afraid, Jim literally and figuratively lifts me up. He helps me get up off the floor, holds me in his arms until I stop crying and calms my fears.
He makes me laugh. He keeps me somewhat sane and keeps me more grounded. He believes in me in a way I don't believe in myself. He lets me see that anything really is possible. We haven't had the easiest of roads and some days are better than others, but no matter what, he is my best friend and I love him. He lets me be the truest me I can be. Nothing held back, nothing reserved. Just me. He lets me see what is possible. He lifts me up like no one else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday was a long day for me. I was at the state house again for many more meetings. An aide with the speaker of the house was first, my local senator's aide was next. Then we met with the chief of staff and another aide for the Health Care Finance Committee Chair, where we testified for our bill. After that was with the vice chair and 2 of her aides. The vice chair is also signed on to our bill and very interested in it getting passed. She was working hard for it.
We had another meeting with an influential representative, although she was not completely on board with our bill. We also stopped in to see another senator who is on our bill, who we had met with before. She is so unbelievably supportive and helpful. She made a call to a lobbyist I had met from a health insurance company and he wants to do a press event in support of our bill. (although the coalition I am working with isn't super excited about it and are all a bit cynical about his motives).
Lastly we stopped in to see the aide of the bills main sponsor, to give them an update on what we had been up to. It was a good day, but VERY busy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that LONG day on Tuesday, I didn't get out of my pajamas on Wednesday. Seriously. I slept in the same pj's on Wednesday night as I did on Tuesday night. I didn't have the energy to even get off the sofa all that often.
Thursday I was supposed to go out for a lunch with a friend of mine, but I canceled. I was up in the middle of the night and just exhausted all day. At least I showered.
Friday I had an event in Boston at Dana Farber. It was an informal conversation with breast cancer survivor, Channel 5's Kelley Tuthill. It was a great event and I was glad I went. On my way home, I stopped quickly for lunch and got home around 2:15. I was in bed, out cold by 2:30, my clothes in a pile on a chair in the living room. I didn't get up until 6:30 that night! It took me DAYS to recover from Tuesday!!
It is just so frustrating to still not be over the fatigue. ONE day out takes me DAYS to recover from. Friday I wasn't even out all that long... 4-5 hours. Driving in and out of Boston, sitting at Dana Farber for this even which was under 90 minutes long, then having lunch. Easy day, right? And then I need a FOUR HOUR NAP?
I was too tired to do anything on Friday night, so we didn't go out. And I was still in bed pretty early.
Saturday I was at an event sponsored by the Friends of Mel Foundation. Life After cancer. It was a great event and I got much useful information from it. I took pages of notes and met some really great people.
Then I get home and I'm toast. I was home before 4pm and slept 4:30-6:30. Very happy last night was daylight savings, so we gained an hour. I took it! I think I got about 9 hours of sleep last night too. I've been up for a couple of hours now and I'm still in my pj's on the sofa. At least I had some breakfast and coffee already!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One other thing about the past week. A couple of anniversaries. Tuesday. October 29th. It was the one year anniversary from my diagnosis. I'm glad I spent the day at the state house and I could share that info with the legislators and aides I was speaking with. It kept me busy and kept me doing something positive. That night was a different story.
I was sobbing that night. Hysterically crying again. It was all fresh again. Why am I hear? What did this year mean? What was I supposed to learn from this? Where do I go from here? When am I going to feel more like me? When will I recover from neuropathy and fatigue? Who am I now? Why did this happen?
All of that still hits me, sometimes its better than others and sometimes I'm okay. But always in the back of my mind, I know that with breast cancer, there is no "remission". There is no "cured". There is NED; No Evidence of Disease. That's where I am. NED. NED is my friend.
There are no scans to say I'm done. There is a wait and see if I have any other symptoms of anything, then test. So I have to just live my life as if I am okay, as if the cancer will never come back. But the reality of that isn't sure. There is always a risk. Even with a bilateral mastectomy, there is still SOME breast tissue remaining. I could always get a recurrence of the same breast cancer, a 2nd breast cancer, or a metastasis of the same breast cancer (the breast cancer I was diagnosed with last year showing up in another part of my body, ie lungs, bones, brain- which are common areas that breast cancer will show up). Or, even with my ovaries removed, I could still end up with ovarian cancer. The lining in that area is still there. Or I could get another type of cancer. The risk is always there and it is greater for me because I have already had cancer one.
This is something I will live with forever. This is something that will be in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. If I am sick, if I have a cold, if I get dizzy, I will always wonder if it is something to do with cancer. If my shoulders hurt, if I get a cut or bruise on my right arm, I will always be concerned that I will get lymphedema in my arm, that it will swell up like a balloon and never drain down.
I try to push those thoughts out of my head. I can't live with that day to day in the forefront of my mind. It is my life, my reality, but so is living each day and moving forward, and making plans for the future, and finding happiness and purpose in my life.
So I'm looking forward and finding joy in the little things. With Rocco snuggling up to me and throwing his front legs over me to watch TV with me. Or when (like right now), he uses a pillow when he's laying down.
.JPG)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then there is the bill. When we met with the Vice Chair on Tuesday, she said she was trying hard and really wanted the bill to be reported favorably out of committee during October, to be part of breast cancer awareness month but she didn't think it was going to happen (on the 29th at that point). She said that we had to respect the process.
On Friday while I was stopped for lunch, I got an email from Emily, the chief of staff for the committee chair. She said that on Thursday is was favorably reported! YAY! The bill moved out of committee and on to the next step! That was HUGE. I was SO happy and SO excited!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What else?
OH, I wanted to do a think I saw on Facebook. 28 Days of Thanks. I'm a little behind, so I need to catch up, but here is the photo I'm going off of. Each day now through Thanksgiving, I'll try to post based on this picture. Anyone else giving thanks in November? Share it with me!
Day 1: A Blessing.
I have been so unbelievably blessed with so much. I have so much love and support in my life, from people and places I could have least expected. I am blessed with friends and family who have been by my side during my absolute darkest days. I could not have gotten through this past year without all of support, encouragement and love. I am forever grateful.
Day 2: A time when you were strong.
Over the past year, people have told me how strong I was but I didn't believe them. I still have a hard time with that. I did what I had to do to get through everything. I don't know if that was strength. There were many times I was balled up in tears at night. I was afraid.
A time that comes to mind when I think of when I was strong is about 2 1/2 years ago. I was training for the Boston Marathon. That's when I got injured. Ultimately it was my SI joint. Three weeks before the marathon, I was having trouble walking. I limped and was in pain with each step. The chiropractor that I saw helped realign my hips and stopped the pain when I walked or jogged.
Come that Marathon Monday, I was so afraid. On the bus to Hopkington, I remember saying out loud, "Who do I think I am? What am I doing?"
I was under trained, injured and about to start off on 26.2 miles to get to Boston. And I did it! I didn't run the whole thing. I didn't make my goal time. But I went from Hopkington to Boston in under 6 hours and raised over $7100 for Mass Eye and Ear.
Doing the marathon, I showed strength and determination to overcome any obstacle put in my way to achieve the goal I had set. Crossing that finish line!
Day 3: A person that lifts you up.
This one is difficult because I have TOO many choices! Back to Day 1, I have so many wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life. My friends lift me up. Family lifts me up (mine and Jim's). Rocco lifts me up (okay so he's not a person but close to it!).
But I have to say more than anyone, Jim lifts me up. When I hit rock bottom, when I am on the floor, crying, afraid, Jim literally and figuratively lifts me up. He helps me get up off the floor, holds me in his arms until I stop crying and calms my fears.
He makes me laugh. He keeps me somewhat sane and keeps me more grounded. He believes in me in a way I don't believe in myself. He lets me see that anything really is possible. We haven't had the easiest of roads and some days are better than others, but no matter what, he is my best friend and I love him. He lets me be the truest me I can be. Nothing held back, nothing reserved. Just me. He lets me see what is possible. He lifts me up like no one else.
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