I'm DONE!!

July was rough for me.  I was still trying to recover from the fatigue from chemo when the fatigue from radiation started in.  Just showing, getting ready and going for radiation every single day was exhausting.  Someone said it to me really well, everything is an effort.  SO true.

When the heat wave hit for the third time this summer with 5+ days over 90 degrees, so many people started to say that all they wanted to do was lay down.  The heat was too much and they had no energy for anything.  Well, that has been my life for months.  That's the closest I can explain how I feel every single day, but to an even stronger degree.  Sometimes even the thought of getting off the sofa to shower is too much for me. 

Last Thursday, July 25th, was my last day of active treatment!!  YAY!!  I finished!!  I had one of the radiation techs grab a picture of me on the table when I finished my last treatment. 

On the far left side, that big giant gray thing... that's where the radiation came from.  They described it like a giant mixer.  That top part spins around me to move to the different areas that I was having radiated. 

I would lay on that table, take my arms out of the johnny and my arms were up over my head and resting in what is covered by the sheet.  They would move me around on that table to get me lined up for radiation to be in the EXACT places it needed to be. 

Now?  Pretty burned.  I got a prescription to help with the discomfort.  One good thing from being so uncomfortable... I was supposed to be wearing a bra 24/7 per my plastic surgeon.  Both her and my radiation oncologist told me NO bra at all.  My skin needs to heal up from the damage that was done during radiation.  That's been kind of nice.  Not that the boobs go anywhere with these expanders and all anyway. 

Funny thing about that.  The expanders are TIGHT.  They are under the muscles on my chest and sometimes when I move, I can feel the muscles tighten even more.  Its almost like something is pulling on my chest.  Well, now and again, I forget that I'm not wearing a bra anymore.  I get uncomfortable from the expanders and try to adjust the bra strap that isn't there.  Oh yeah!  I'm not wearing a bra!  Nothing there to adjust, just those fun expanders for another 6 months.

BUT, the day after radiation finished, I was back at my plastic surgeon's office.  She filled leftie back up to pre-radiation levels.  I'm hoping when I go back in a month she'll give leftie another little boost up.  Still not even but at least I no longer need to put an old cut up padded bra inside my bra on leftie's side to even the girls out.  Literally, 150cc's difference between the two.  Leftie was a B cup and Rightie is a D! That's a bit of a difference!

The burns.... not fun.  It started on my back first.  I was thinking something was in the back of my seat in my car because it hit me just the right way, right where the radiation was exiting my body.  It sort of felt like I was bruised on my back.  Then I realized it was the radiation.

After that, it was on the side of my body, under my arm first.  That's why I had to stop wearing a bra.  It was rubbing against my skin and making things worse.  Another itchy area is on my clavicle bone on my right side.  Because there are lymph nodes there, I got some radiation there too.  That is where is it the brightest red now. 

It is amazing at how precise they are with the radiation. I have an exact straight line of where it was on my body.  Perfectly straight across my chest.  They told me that forever, that area of my skin will be more sensitive to the sun.  I'll get darker there, more than on the rest of my chest.  Wonderful. 

NOT easy to get a picture of the burns, trying to keep my scars covered and not have my face in the picture!  WOW, that took some time (plus trying to keep the new rolls out of the picture too!).  But this is what I have to share.... a picture of the square burns plus the small one on my clavicle bone.

Like I said, VERY precise!  Perfect straight lines. 

Right now the spot that is the most sore is right under my boob.  Its like a bad sunburn with the skin about to flake off.  I keep putting on the creams a few times a day and it is helping a little... good thing. 

Otherwise.... just trying to recover.  I'm doing what my body needs to heal.  Still sleeping ALL the time.  I went out with a friend the other night, just a few hours and nothing crazy (we did Paint Nite) and I was in bed by 10:15.  I woke up at 10:15am!  Knocked me out!  So I still have to take it easy.

I'm hoping that next week I will have a little more energy to start exercising again.  Poor Rocco is dying for me to start walking him again.  I miss it too, but I just don't have the energy for it most days. 

The day I finished radiation, I was out with my friend Melissa that afternoon.  We had fun hanging out and I REALLY appreciate how she is on top of getting a date for when we are getting together again.  I was good at that once upon a time. 

The next day was at the plastic surgeon for the recovery of leftie.  Jim came with me and we hit a very early movie on Friday night, Red 2.  I really liked it.  I liked Red too though.  Saturday morning we were up early and headed down to Foxboro for training camp.  HOLY COW was it mobbed.  Not like when we went 2 years ago.  Hard to see and we only stayed for under 45 minutes.  Then we walked around Patriots Place for a while.  Jim got me a new Pat's T-shirt at the Pro Shop too.  He was so sweet about my celebration weekend.  :)

He cooked a late lunch and dinner that day for me at home.  Sunday morning we were just relaxing at home most of the day and were back at the movies that night (Wolverine II, he's a fan, I saw it for him.  Neither of us loved it.  We could have waited for iTunes to see it). 

The beginning of this week was quiet.  Chiro on Monday morning for my back issues that started up again (not easy for him to do an adjustment when he can't really push down on my back.  Bad enough I have towels rolled up over and under my boobs so they hang and aren't squished on the table!)  Tuesday I used a massage gift certificate and it felt amazing!  That night was Paint Nite with Jen and it was SO much fun.  Here's a picture of our final products. 

I have it hanging up in the living room already and I can't wait to go back to another one.  SO much fun!! 

Yesterday, Wednesday, was the stressful day of the week.  Another new doctor, more tests and within a year, another surgery.  Most of that I knew.  Monday I go back for an ultrasound for more testing and hopefully all will be good to go.  I already have my appointments booked for followup in January with her and for another ultrasound.  And at that point I can schedule the surgery I'll need, in addition to the swap out expanders for implants surgery.  

But that's all on the expectation that all is good with yesterdays tests and Monday's ultrasound. 

Last night when I was worried and stressed about it, Jim said he wanted to say that everything would be okay, but when does, its not. 

I had to remind him, I'm Murphy.  As in Murphy's Law.  If it CAN happen, it will.  Murphy's Law.  I'm Murphy. 

I found a lump.  Probably nothing, but lets do a mammogram and ultrasound.  Ultrasound found something.  Biopsy will probably be fine, most are nothing.  Not nothing, was cancer. 

Putting an IUD in is just an office procedure, no big deal.  I needed an ultrasound to see if they perforated my uterus because of the pain I was in.  Turns out, my uterus is curved and the IUD doesn't curve.  Found that out on the second one they tried to put in. 

Then surgery.  Not expecting any lymph nodes.  Nope.  Not me.  Tested positive, so needed them removed.  What about lymphodema?  VERY low risk, I shouldn't need a sleeve.  Hmmm... already started swelling at times and will need to wear not only a sleeve, but a glove when I exercise.

Not sure what else to include, cuz there are SO many things that I could mention.  If it COULD, it WILL.  My wrist surgery last September... VERY rare for tendons to react to metal the way mine did.  No surprise to me!

I like to say I'm unique.  Truth is... HA HA! Unique?  Okay!

So yeah, small chance that anything is wrong with the testing yesterday and ultrasound on Monday, but a chance.  And with me?  I'm expecting the worst.  Absolute worst case, its more cancer, I have surgery asap and could need to do another 6 rounds of chemo (this one every 3 weeks instead so for 18 weeks).  WONDERFUL!

My fingers are crossed but how can I not be nervous about it?  For months this has been on my mind.  I'm BRCA positive.  I have ovarian cancer in my family and she was my age when she was diagnosed, which, surprise surprise... is unusual to have it that young.  The general population has a 1.7% risk of ovarian.  I have a 27% risk.  Increase that because I've already had breast cancer.  JOY!

By having my ovaries and fallopian tubes out, I lower my risk back to the general population (still considered ovarian cancer for the lining in that area, and that's possible even without ovaries.)

My NEW oncologist said I can get the tests done now, and again in 6 months.  If I decide I want the surgery sooner, 4-6 weeks to schedule it.  But, she said, "You WILL have the surgery."  The risk is way too high and the testing is way too crappy (testing for ovarian misses cancer 75% of the time... ovarian is called the silent killer.) 

They highly recommend surgery before the age of 40.  I will be 39 a month from next Friday.  So yeah, within the next year, I NEED to have another 2 surgeries, most likely both between January and April of next year, unless there are issues with the tests now for ovarian.

SO that's where I'm at.

Hopefully my energy will continue to increase and I will be writing again more often.