Lately I have found that my anxiety is better when I'm going, moving and being active. It's the sitting around and having too much time to think and get in my head that gets me into trouble Like when its time to go to bed. That's the hardest part. Laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, with my mind wandering everywhere- especially to the dark places.
But when I'm busy, I don't have time to think. I don't have time to go to those dark place. My focus is limited, but when I'm doing something with a purpose, I can be me and just be. I'm all about doing what I have to do in the moment. Easier said than done sometimes.
Friday night, like I said, was great at the 99 Restaurant, seeing our bartenders and basically saying bye for a while They are so nice over there.
Yesterday I was able to keep busy too. I had a bunch of stuff to do around the house. I was out shopping for a while. Got my great purple pedi along with french tips for the photo shoot. I bought the CUTEST pair of shoes too!
When I got home and started to get ready to meet my friends, I was doing a little modeling thing for Jim, trying on all the stuff I was bringing with me and thinking of wearing. I got to wear two different things for the shoot (my friends had one outfit each for their shoot). I didn't know what I was going to go with.
WOW did I bring along a lot of crap. No wonder that I over pack for every trip I go on. I brought 5 different pairs of shoes last night, not to mention the boots that I was wearing! What I didn't wear was Jim's button down shirt, the pink babydoll thing, jeans with a black bra and white wife beater tank, my black slinky dress, Jim's fighting shorts. I think that's all I brought that I didn't wear. I might be missing something.
The night itself was a blast. We were all so nervous when we got there. We took turns in hair and makeup. Makeup was done by Maryjo Shanahan, a Mary Kay consultant. She was great! We all looked so great. And hair was done by Stephanie Scandura. She rocked out my hair in a way I didn't think was possible!
There was also a stylist on site; Tricia from Trust in Tricia (iTrustInTricia.com). I'm really glad she was there to help with a few little things here and there, plus with some accessories too.
Lauren Cloutier from Cloutier Photography was the photographer. It was just so much fun!!!
When we walked in, Lauren gave me a big hug. She did the introductions, got as all some Prosecco while the hair and makeup was getting setup. The four of us were pretty nervous and there were several giggles and uncomfortable chuckles. After a few glasses of Prosecco, hair and makeup and great encouragement from all the incredible women who were present, I think everyone's nerves began to settle a bit.
Jen was up first. Her dark hair was curled, and her makeup was amazing. She looked stunning in her black little thing! She made it look so easy. Tracie went second and had such a classic look in her black get up too. Hmmm.... were we all wearing black?
I was in makeup when Tracie finished up. Christine kicked everyone out when she started up, but then let them back in. I missed all but her last shot. And even then, I didn't have glasses on so I could barely see. Funny, cuz that's when everyone was turned around to not watch the super sexy thing she had going on!
Then it was my turn for outfit #1. My little black lace undies, with a black babydoll thing. Tracie let me wear this amazing necklace. It had at least 5 strands of pink pearls in different lengths. I felt great posing for the camera, doing different angles and smiling or giving a more serious look. There was something about the great feedback from everyone, done with hair and makeup, posing on a bed, under the lights, in front of the camera wearing a sexy little barely there thing. It was cool!
Then it was time for outfit #2. The black lace undies stayed on. I had on a black lace bra with a white wife beater tank top over it. The pearls were replaced with Jim's thick silver link chain. I took off the pretty rings and strapped on Jim's new boxing gloves. That was SO fun! Posing with the gloves up, then looking down my right arm.
It was fun sitting on a bench with my arms up against the wall, flexing. Then pulling at the strap of the tank top too.
But my favorite shot to have taken?? That's when I lost the tank top and lace bra. I stood there in my black and white heals, black lace undies, Jim's silver chain, wearing Jim's boxing gloves with my gloved hands over my bare breasts. THAT was cool.
With everything I'm going through, with breast cancer, doing a topless shot with the boxing gloves covering me... that was cool. I can't wait to see that picture!
We did a few group shots in the end, with all of us back in our black things. First we were all sitting on the bench at edge of the bed. Then she did a great one... me towards the middle with them all hugging me. It was pretty cool.
I HIGHLY recommend to every woman out there... do a Boudoir Photo Shoot! WOW was it fun. It was empowering, sexy and fun. And none of us have seen ANY pictures yet!
We'll go back in a couple of weeks for our "Viewing Party" to pick out what we want. I can't wait!
I needed a night like last night with friends so much. I really really needed that. I needed to feel good about myself and to feel pretty and sexy. I still had a meltdown when I got home and feel asleep in tears but the night itself out with the girls was a blast. I wouldn't change a thing.
Today is Sunday dinner with Jim's family. I am looking forward to that too. Tomorrow is back to work with a couple of appointments tossed in. Mom and Dad are popping over tomorrow night and we're going out for dinner. Tuesday is my surgical oncologist appointment, then pre-op at Faulkner. Wednesday is two am appointments, then work. And Thursday is it. D-day. Surgery day. Boobs cut off and cancer cut out of me.
This week is going to be REALLY hard for me. REALLY HARD. I'll be in surgery 4 days from right now. That's NUTS!
I wasn't exactly sure what to expect last night for the Boudoir Party that I won.
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