Utah?

A few days ago, a good friend of mine sent me a link to a great site.  http://breastcancerfreebies.com/
Well, I love this site!  I emailed Bethany from the site to send her information about another link I had come across, so she could add it to her site. 

Since then, I've gone through the site for different resources offered.  I started looking into grants for help with medical bills, retreats, financial help and other services available.  I already got a card in the mail from one!  I loved it! 

After going through the site, I found a few of the retreats that were interesting and I applied for a couple of them.  One is in Utah in August.  In one house, 8-10 women under 40, each gets their own bedroom and bath.  Other than travel costs, everything else for the weekend is covered.

Here's a paste from their site:
Image Reborn's Living Beyond Breast Cancer retreat program is designed and facilitated by a highly professional staff with backgrounds and experience in addressing the special concerns of women with breast cancer.
The retreats run weekend programs, and are conducted in the beautiful, peaceful mountain setting of Park City, Utah. Approximately ten guests can be accommodated at one time.
The Program includes:

• Women's Support Group offering the opportunity for participants to share experiences, kindling courage and understanding, allowing them to rediscover a sense of personal power.
• Education: Opportunity to visit in a small group setting with healthcare professionals regarding available treatment, including conventional and integrative approaches.
• Nutrition: a positive and delicious approach to food.
• Exercise: gentle movement and stretching specifically designed for women with breast cancer.
• Journaling: instruction on how to utilize journaling to enhance life.
• Massage Therapy: light professional massage for relaxation and pampering.
• Rejuvenation Time: private time to allow for rest, contemplation, or whatever each individual desires.

Well, I applied the other day and, not expecting to hear anything (since most non-profits have a bit of a turn around time on contact), I started to glace at the cost of flights for curiosity.  Not that I could afford it right now, but why not check, right?

Imagine my surprise when I heard back!  They have space and it is on a first come first serve basis, not confirmed until I send them my flight info.  OMG! 

Last night I was talking to my mom and mentioned it to her. She said she'd help me out with the flight and split it with me, counting it as an early birthday gift!  Okay, so this is going to happen now.  Hmm... okay.  So this is happening.  I'm going to a weekend retreat in August to Utah. 

I think this will be something good for me, especially since it is shortly after I will finish up radiation.  I'm pretty happy about that.  I just think it will make a big difference for me, transitioning back into what my life was before cancer. 


Overall the neuropathy has been getting a bit better.  I can still feel it now and again in my legs but more often in my hands, especially when I'm typing (like right now, when its in my right hand), or when I'm doing something on my phone. 

I'm really looking forward to when I won't have this pain anymore.  Wednesday night I was in tears.  The pain was so intense and it had been over a week already!  I had already taken a Vicodin and it hadn't made any difference.  I can't even explain how intense the pain gets.  SHOOTING AND STABBING right through me.  Just cutting right through my leg or foot or arm or finger... fingers SUCK! 

But at this point, it has started to subside.  I just can't wait for it to be done. 

I'm still sleeping 12 hours a day.  If I don't get that at night, then I make up for it in naps during the day.  My energy level comes in spurts.  When I get energy, I want to take advantage of it, but I seem to take it too far and push myself too much (story of my life!) then suffer for it.  I'm exhausted and completely wiped out after that. 

HOPEFULLY that will get better soon, even though my doctor told me to not expect any changes for months.  We'll see.

Next week I see the radiation oncologist (Monday) and then another appointment with my plastic surgeon (Tuesday).  It will be a busy and interesting couple of days.  I'm a little nervous about it.  Radiation, the next leg, will be starting soon.  I don't know what to expect.  I know it will burn my skin, like a bad sunburn, but I don't know how much damage and scarring to my skin it will do.  And that will impact how my reconstruction process goes.  One thing after another!

Now that work is straightened out and I know I have a job to go back to, and I had my benefits renewal information done for the next benefit year (July 1- June 30), I took the new costs of my benefits along with Feb on to figure out what I'll owe work.  They have been covering not only their share of my insurance premiums, but my share.  Radiation will end late July or early August.  Based on what I have heard, radiation will cause some intense fatigue that will get worse as radiation continues, even after it is over.  That said, it might take a few weeks to start to feel better. 

So, that made me think I might not get back until late August.  And owing work for insurance premium for about 7 months.  Yeah, that is close to $3000!  Nice one!

That got me going even more.  Adding in the copays I currently owe right now and through Tuesday, plus the copays for any known doctor appointments through the end of the year, my current 3 daily prescriptions (without any others that could be added in), and adding all of that to the $3000 I will owe work.... my medical expenses for June 1st through the end of the year will be approximately $4950.  WOW!  HOLY CRAP!  That's a lot of money!

With everything I've gone through, I've still been thinking about what else I want to do with my life.  What do I want to be when I grow up?  I want to take this experience and grow from it.  I want to take a leap and do something I'm passionate about.  But that means I need to get more specific about what I want to do. 

I've been thinking more and more about it and trying hard to figure it out.  I love doing the fitness thing and teaching exercise classes.  I have loved the Couch to 5K for years.  I always wanted to take that and merge it with a life coach but I didn't know how.  Well, it IS something, a Health and Wellness Coach. 

I want to help people realize their wellness goals as well as help them work towards reaching them.  Since I have gone through breast cancer, I think I want to add a bit of that into it as well. 

For all of this to happen, I need to become a certified health and wellness coach from a nationally accredited program.  I want to take nutrition classes as well, plus in addition to being certified now as a group fitness instructor, I want to become a certified personal trainer as well.

All of that takes money.  So far, the program I am most interested in costs $6000.  Yup.  More money.

And that's not including anything to do with my normal, regular, every day bills.  So yeah, I need another $11,000 to pay my medical bills for the rest of the year and to get certified to do what I want to do with the rest of my life, what I'm passionate about.

I'm still on the fence about starting a GoFundMe page.  But right now, $5000 alone is HUGE just for my medical bills for THIS year, not including the money I have already paid out.  And that seems never ending!  I'm always paying another bill. 

I mentioned it to Jim last night, especially about the $5000 medical bills.  He understands how overwhelming that part is, but his words for GoFundMe?  "I just hate that."  I get it.  Just flat out ASKING for money.  I could do it when I ran the marathon and was fundraising for Mass Eye and Ear, but that wasn't money for me.  This would be for me.  So it isn't the same. 

But its hard!  SO I haven't done it yet.  I don't know.  Its just so hard to consider, but I think it might be the only way I KNOW I can pay back work for my insurance premium, handle the rest of my medical bills, while I'm paying the rest of my bills.  And I could even, maybe, pay for a coaching program.  Pros and cons. 


So that's about it.  That's where I am at.  Still having hot flashes and not feeling wonderful that yesterday and today was about 90 degrees.  I felt SO sick last night.  It was better after Jim put in 2 AC's but even today with the AC on, the house is still over 80 degrees inside.  With no energy to begin with?  And that hot!  Nope, not doing anything! 

I'm hoping that its a good weekend, even though it will be hot and I don't have much going on.  It will be nice to spend some time with Jim and connect with him too.  He's been so busy.  But I know he will be busy again all weekend. 

SO... happy weekend!