TWO DAYS!!!

This part of the journey is almost done.  Two days left until my last chemo treatment!  WOW!  I can't believe it.  So close. 

The past 4 months have gone by so slowly but so quickly at the same time.  Strange.  I'm still getting used to this part of things and now it will be done and I'll be on the next stage pretty quickly.  Radiation should start in a few weeks.

I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do about my hair as it starts to grow back.  Right now I have spots that have hair and spots that have nothing but smooth skin on my head.  I don't want to have patchy hair when I'm out.  Being completely bald is one thing.  Having a patchy head is another.  But I'll figure out how I'm going to live with it soon enough.

Summer is coming quickly.  This week I think the weather is going to be in the 80's a couple of days!  SO nice.  But not fun while I'm having hot flashes.  It will be tough having to be super on top of wearing sunscreen since my skin is so hyper sensitive to the sun from chemo.  It makes me want to stay inside since its so much work now!  I hate that.

But yesterday I did buy a long sleeved light weight button down shirt that has an SPF of 40.  So hopefully that will help.  I can still feel like I can be out wearing that and I'm covered without having to reapply sunscreen every 2 hours.  

A few weeks ago I started physical therapy to work on the range of motion on my right shoulder plus any signs of lymphedema.  She said I had some early signs of it, but the swelling I thought I had has already started to decrease.  I can see a bit more symmetry between my left and right arms and shoulders now, which is good.  And I'm hoping by doing this now, I will have less of a chance of developing lymphedema later.  Plus I'll have more knowledge on it and what to look for and what I feel. 

So a month or so ago, I signed up for a class at REI with my friend Jen.  It was a class I have wanted to take for a few years after hearing about it.  Intro to Road Cycling.  They teach you different things about road cycling and then you go for an easy level ride. When I looked at the calendar, I picked the class that was yesterday based on when my side effects would fall (less pain this weekend from the chemo).

So, that class was yesterday.  INTRO to Road Cycling?  EASY ride?  Um, 18 miles is easy?  First off, I haven't done any exercise in over a month and before that was a couple of classes at the Y and 2 or 3 kickboxing classes that I took it easy on.  Oh and one time at the track.  That is IT, other than walking Rocco.  18 miles?  Really?

A few times I was starting to hyperventilate.  I could feel it starting, especially as I was going up hills and trying to push it more.  My legs were toast and I was trying so hard, but I just didn't have it in me.  And pushing for it and trying... my breathing became labored and then I could feel the start of hyperventilating. 

Unfortunately, the first time it happened (on what ended up being the worst with hills, back to back) was only about 6 or 7 miles in.  I had to walk up the rest of those hills and the guide stopped us for me for a break under a tree.  Then we went another couple of miles I guess where we stopped for lunch.  At that point, someone who had a thing on his bike said we had gone 8.9 miles. 

The rest of it was tough for me.  EVERY TIME we hit a small hill, I was struggling.  I tried to keep my legs going at as much of an even pace as I could, but it wasn't easy.  They told me that the breaks were averaging every 2 miles.  Wonderful! 

I couldn't believe that it was 18 miles when we got back.  SO not what I was expecting and not what I was in shape for. 

I guess I figured that because of the shape I was in before this, it would be easy to get back into things.  And on top of that, I did NOT expect it to be an 18 mile bike ride!  After checking the REI website, it is listed as "Easy Active" and the description of that for cycling is:
Cycling: Riding in flat or rolling terrain with possible short steep hills (which can be walked), for distances of less than 15 miles. Riding pace is slow.

Less than 15 miles?  LOL!  Okay! 

And we started with 7 of us but one left pretty quickly into the bike ride.  Her knee was bothering her.  That left me, Jen and 4 others.  Three of them brought their road bikes and the forth didn't have a road bike but went mountain biking regularly.  And then Jen who is very fit and me. 

So yup, after that woman with the bad knee left, I was "that one" in the class.  But it really was supposed to be a BEGINNER class!!!  Oh well. 

My legs are killing me today and getting out of bed wasn't easy.  When we were standing and holding the bike, plus every time I stopped, stood there or got off it or was starting to ride again... I can't even remember how many times I whacked my shins on the pedals.  I have so many little cuts that are turning into bruises on my shins, plus all of the bruises on the rest of me.  Not to mention NOT having padded biking shorts! OMG my butt is killing me.  I swear the only comfortable place for me to sit in an upright position is on the toilet!  (I'm really not even kidding!  I highly expect bruises on my butt in a day or two!)

But lots of water last night and so far today, some stretching as well as using the massager on my legs every couple of hours has helped a bit. 

Not sure why I always seem to do that.  I get an idea of doing something and JUMP head first into it.  No easing into anything and building up.  Lets just go for the 18 mile bike ride, right out of the gate.  That would make sense, right?? 

What else? 

Last week Jim and I went out for dinner early on Wednesday night.  (REALLY early, we were home around 6:30!)  It was 2 years from our first date.  Jim thought I was silly for it, but I wanted to go out for dinner and do something to celebrate it.  We have been through a lot in the past two years and we're here and together.  I wanted to do something to recognize that. 

It was a really nice night and nice to get out, do something together and spend time together.  We had a nice time.  I'm glad we did it. 

Otherwise, same old same old.  Tired, sleeping 12 hours a day, pain was until Thursday night but I'm expecting it to start up again this coming Wednesday or Thursday.  Slightly nervous about this coming Saturday because that will be the peak of intensity and I have a feeling it might be rough on me. 

Chemo brain is still here.  I forget words all the time and basically have to change sentences around to use something else instead.  I have to write EVERYTHING down all the time or I'll forget.  I really hope the chemo brain side lessens soon.  I've read it can take a few months or sometimes even years for that and the fatigue to resolve (and I needed a few minutes to remember the word resolve right then... nice!)

Still slightly concerned with work.  I replied to their email Tuesday night and haven't received an answer yet.  I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.  I've done a bit of research here and there and found a few links that were interesting.  I don't know if it is legal for them to "terminate my active employment" while I am out on disability for cancer treatment.  Here is one link I found:
http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/regulations/adaaa_fact_sheet.cfm

And then this link, but specific to questions 12-20
http://www.eeoc.gov/policy/docs/fmlaada.html

Based on what my boss said to me in April, with her having August in her head for me returning, I don't think they can let me go to rehire me later. 

Right now I'm waiting for their response to my email before I do anything, but in the mean time I'm trying to figure out my options and what would be best for me going forward if they do come back and say they want to terminate me. 

Jim had a good point if I did decide to get a lawyer and sort of go after them if I'm terminated.  Say that happens and they back down and I have my job back.  When I go back to work, it is pretty much a given that they will make my life hell.  Do I want to deal with that? 

But how would being terminated impact me overall?  They would be under no obligation to rehire me when I'm done with treatment, even though it is in an email.  How would unemployment work after being on disability since January?  Switching from one to another?  And how much would unemployment pay since I haven't had any actual earning since my last date of work on January 9th? 

SO... still waiting for their answer.  Then I'll be in a better position to decide what I would need to do next.  :( 
Doesn't make managing my stress level any better though!