Chemo #3

SO SO tired today.  I only got poked 3 times today, so that was a step in the right direction.  It it went much more smoothly than the last 2 did, so that was good too.  This was the first chemo treatment Jim wasn't at.  My friend Melanie who I have somehow known for 20 years (how is that even possible?) drove down last night to stay over.  We kicked Jim onto the sofa and her and I had girl time chatting and catching up before we fell asleep. 

Today was nice to hang out with her all day, although she cannot sit still.  While I was in the shower, she emptied the trash and took it out, emptied the dishwasher, put away all the dishes and took the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.  I didn't want her to work, I just hadn't gotten around to doing all of it yet.  My bad.  I should have known better with her.  She's more OCD than me!  But I love her!

She held my hand each time I needed a needle and chatted with me to get my mind off of it.  She complained to my nurse Ashley about the other nurse who did the IV.  Melanie (and me too) did NOT like that nurse.  I wasn't vocal about it.  Melanie didn't hold back. Said that nurse had no bedside manner.  Knowing I don't like needles, that nurse should talk about it step by step what she's doing and with each new IV attempt. 

Here is me and Melanie at chemo today. 

When I got home, I feel asleep, SO quickly.  It just wipes me out.  Right now I can't lift my head up.  And I don't feel great.  But we'll see how I am doing later. 






Yesterday I did my photo shoot with the photographer.  She has posted a couple of pictures already on Facebook.  It was so much fun. 

 
I do NOT have a poker face.  My emotions are on my face.  In the black dress, I felt good.  I love that dress and  I love how it fits me.  I felt good in that.  You can see that on my face.  Head up, shoulders back, smiling, happy and strong.  I really like this picture of me. 

 
In the picture with the pink turban, I was thinking about the weekend.  That I needed to find a way to move past it, but about how hurt I was.  Looking at the picture, that is the look I can see in my eyes, even while trying to put a smile on my face.  A wistful, lost, sad, tiny hint of a smile. 






I can't wait to see the rest of the pictures and I can't wait to try it again.

Since Sunday, I have heard from so many incredible and wonderful people.  All echoed the same thing.  To let them know if I need anything at all, whenever.  I understand that they many not be available or able to help as would be most helpful for me but they were clear that they do want to be asked and want me to feel safe and comfortable reaching out for support.  When I need something. 

Its nice to know that people do care and are okay if that is when I reach out. 

Funny, a post on Facebook about the turban picture from Andrea.... "Love this.... SO much emotion in your eyes. Just stunning!" Yup... tons of emotion.  My weekend emotions.

But today is a new day... chemo day, time with Melanie, visit from Christine, seeing 2 of the photos from yesterday.  Had a great conversation with my parents and with Jim's mom.  They all thanked me for the St. Patty's cookies I sent to them.  Jim's mom thought it was sweet of me to think of others like that while I'm going through so much right now.  I love his mom! 

I love that Jim makes me laugh all the time, even in this.   He's an incredible guy.  He thought Melanie was a keeper after she was doing cleaning around the house today! 

My days are ups and downs.  All over the place.  Some better than others some really really down.  Today was up and that was good. 

Tomorrow I will be tired and slow moving and might feel very sick, hopefully not.  I have to go back to the hospital for a shot to boost my immune system.  I'm hoping to meet a couple of friends for lunch before that, nearby, if I am feeling up to it.  That will be a last minute decision.  I typically think I can do a lot the day after chemo, up until the day after chemo! 

But today was a good day, even being chemo day, so I'm going with that one!