Black Friday aka LONG Biopsy Day

Today was a long day.  I was at the hospital around 8:30 for more ultrasound guided biopsies.  After the MRI, more areas looked suspicious that they wanted checked out. 

Using the ultrasound, basically as a road map, the radiologist was able to locate the 2 additional areas on my right breast, in addition to the one that was already positive.  She wasn't able to find the 2 areas they noticed on my left. 

I am SORE and tired.  The Novocaine needle HURTS.  When they say, "this will pinch and you will feel a little burn".  That's a LIE.  Not a pinch and not a little burn.  OH MY GOD, that hurts.  Tears in my eyes. 

But, the radiologist said that the original mass isn't the 1.7cm they originally said.  It is just over 2cm. So that pushes me out of the Stage I as a possibility.  Stage I is under 2cm with no spreading.  Stage II is 2-5cm or under 2cm with spreading to the lymph nodes. 

Now that I know that I'm at least Stage II, its even more to take in.  And that's just with the one and only tumor that came back. The 2 other tumors are in different areas of my right breast.  And I still don't know about spreading.  Plus, I still don't know what they want to do about the areas on my left that she couldn't see on the ultrasound.  They might want MRI biopsies.  We'll find out next week. 

I'm just scared.  Now I know for sure I'm at a minimum of Stage II, if not III.  And IV is it.  There is no Stage V.  That's dead.  That means I'm at least 1/2 way through the stages. 

Trying to stay positive only goes so far.  I do my best to put on a smile and pretend that I'm okay.  But I'm scared and I'm worried. 

I wear my Alex and Ani bracelets every day, especially the one Jim picked out.  "It's All Good".  He says that all the time to me.  Sometimes I believe it.  But wearing it helps me remember. The skeleton key helps, reminds me that I can hold the key. Then I wear my Dana Farber snowflake one I got at the PaperStore too. 

This is who I am now.  Scary, but this is my life.