BUT... Jim and I are really getting along. We are laughing again and having fun again. Pressure is off and things have been okay. I'm trying really hard to not lean on him as much as I was, for EVERYTHING. That is really helping.
Last week was fun. Monday-Thursday, I was out with friends 3 of those nights. Dinner on Wednesday with Michelle was kind of what I needed to turn things around. We haven't gotten together in way too long and it was so nice to catch up on absolutely everything, like the old days. It was nice.
This week, I started the LiveStrong Program at the YMCA. Our first time was yesterday and I hopped on a treadmill. I jogged for 10 1/2 minutes! I was VERY proud of me! I didn't think I could do that. I haven't tried to do any running at all since I was in Puerto Rico, November of 2012! So that is my starting point.
I'm really looking forward to this program. I think its what I need. Free for 12 weeks, twice a week for the classes for the same group of 12 of us. They hold us accountable and this is exactly what I need. I'm really happy about it. Hopefully from here, things will start to get better for me with my fitness and weight.
Next week is going to be really busy for me. I'm swimming 2 nights, have a Dana Farber support group before one of them, doing Paint Nite, and meeting my cousin for dinner. I have plans Monday-Thursday night next week! Plus I have a few things going on during the day too, including my pre-op on Tuesday.
Tomorrow we have Jim's niece for the day. She's an absolute doll and I'm really looking forward to it. We'll be hitting the pool again and we are also going to go to a dog sledding event nearby. She'll love that! She loves hanging out with Uncle Jimmy and Auntie Julie. :)
What else?
Surgery. In 12 days. I'm trying hard to not be nervous about it, but I am. Its another big step. Reconstruction. I'm excited that I'll finally have the rocks removed. The expanders are so hard and with radiation, I have so much scar tissue in my right breast. They are SO heavy and uncomfortable.
I guess the best way to describe it, I feel like I'm wearing a tight bra after a LONG day. ALL the time. I take a deep breath, and I can feel the muscles in my chest pull with the expanders. NOT fun, not comfortable and not natural. I'm looking forward to having more of a natural look and feel. Right now my right breast has almost no give at all. It's like poking a super over-filled rubber ball. Not soft at all. Not what I felt like before surgery at all. So maybe this will bring me a bit close to where I was and a bit like natural breasts. Who knows. It can't be worse than they feel right now, so at least it will be a step up.
So right now, I'm trying to feel positive. I'm happy with the LiveStrong program and I'm hoping that it will continue. I'm hoping that I'll get stronger and that I'll feel better about myself, how I look and that I'll gain some confidence along the way.
OH! I got two tattoos! Last Friday. The one year anniversary of the bilateral surgery. It was a weird day for me emotionally. I kept looking back at where I was. What time of day it was, where was I a year earlier? Was I still in surgery? Was I in recovery? Which surgeon was working on me?
Jim was great with me on Friday. We drove up to my tattoo guy in NH. Jim paid for them both, they were my Christmas presents from him. First I got the one on my ribcage that Jim and I designed. I told him everything that I wanted in the tattoo and I did research online, looking for images which were closest to what I wanted. He took all of that and put it into one tattoo for me. We emailed that to the tattoo guy and he tweaked it a bit for me and got the size right.
When we were done with that tattoo, I said I wanted a second one, small, on my left wrist. That one took less than 10 minutes to do! And I love it. :) I saw something that I liked, but I wanted more to it.
I keep forgetting to have Jim take a picture of the one on my ribcage but here is the second one I got which is on the inside of my left wrist.
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