I'm still not in a great place emotionally, no matter how much I try. Monday night, after I wrote, I ended up having a panic attack and then had insomnia that night.
My plan had been to go to kickboxing yesterday morning, but Jim had a flat tire and needed to take my car to work. I figured I would just go to the evening class instead of the morning class. That didn't end up happening either.
Overall lately, I haven't been feeling right. A couple of weeks ago I just got so weak, I couldn't even stand up anymore. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, flopped over because I couldn't even hold up my head. Jim had to help me up and he helped me into bed. Since then, on and off, I'll feel lightheaded, dizzy and/or weak.
Last night I started to feel all of it again. I got up to walk to the bedroom and ended up passing out on my way. Jim had to help me and he got me onto the sofa.
I think part of it may be anxiety, I don't know. I get so overwhelmed that I think my body just shuts down. It could also have something to do with the muscle tension in my back, shoulders, neck & jaw. Those are worse and the headaches are getting worse too.
Something has to give. Soon. I hit my max over a month ago and the hits just keep on coming.
I know I need to get out of my own head. I know that's a huge part of my problem. The anxiety gets so out of control. I see the worse case of everything and worry about it happening. My body is reacting to all of the stress I'm just thinking about. I'm not sleeping... last night I might have gotten 3 hours.
I'm physically, mentally and emotionally spent. I have nothing left in me.
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